How can I make my sex life more interesting and spice it up a bit?

This is a question that I am often asked. Many couples make love very infrequently but do not have the language or confidence to make any changes. I have a few simple tips to start the ball rolling which may help if your love life is stuck in a rut.

Sometimes it can be hard to make changes in our sexual relationships; expressing our sexual and intimacy needs appears fraught with difficulties. However once you start to talk about it, there will be no stopping you.

Choose your moment to introduce discussion of the topic otherwise you may face rejection. Try to find a moment when you are both relaxed and enjoying each other's company to suggest improvements. Maybe this is over a glass of wine, or maybe you have just shared a joke or warm moment.

It is good to involve each other in the search for new ideas and GO SLOWLY. You may be worried about the reaction to your suggestions, so saying that you read about it in a magazine is a good way of bringing up the topic.

Change the bedroom into a haven of intimacy. Normally it's a place for sleep now’s the opportunity to change it into a safe place for cuddles and closeness. Surprise him with candles, scent, or a luxury cover over the bed. Make it warm and inviting and clear out the clutter.

Work on what works with a sense of humour as most people welcome change if they are able to laugh about it and it has been handled with sensitivity and tact.

Finally there are plenty of good “how to” books on the shelves (I suggest the New Joy of Sex by Susan Quilliam) which you can both read together or watch an educational but explicit DVD on sexual technique to rev up his repertoire. (suggest Lovers Guide Interactive)

Counselling Directory is not responsible for the articles published by members. The views expressed are those of the member who wrote the article.

Share this article with a friend
Halstock, Dorset, BA22

Written by Mary Clegg

Halstock, Dorset, BA22

Getting reliable help for relationship issues and/or sexual difficulties can be problematic. Mary offers relationship counselling for couples or individuals with a very flexible but dynamic approach. Her warm and friendly way of working is mainly systemic, but she is able to work using CBT or psycho...

Find the right counsellor or therapist for you

All therapists are verified professionals.