Fear of being alone
We are created to be loved, as love is based on the foundation of human existence, so be encouraged and assured that there is nothing wrong with wanting to be in a relationship. Being in a relationship is exciting and enjoyable when you are with the right person. However, problems arise when you are afraid of being on your own, to the extent that you jump from one relationship to another to prevent having a relationship with yourself.
There are many reasons which may influence you to desire a relationship. Here are some of the key factors that create fear of being alone.
You feel that you’re getting older and you are afraid that the chances of having a baby are decreasing, which creates an intense fear of your biological clock ticking.
Most of your friends are in a relationship/getting married with children. You are worrying that you're becoming the odd one out, or even fearing that there is something wrong with you that leads you to have failed relationships.
If your parents are separated and one or both parents have not moved on from the past, this may trigger a fear to avoid being like them, as you can imagine spending the rest of your life alone.
Cultural and parental pressure
Within certain cultures, women are particularly expected to get married and have children before they reach 40 years of age.. When a woman reaches her mid-30s, she starts to panic about being alone for the rest of her life due to cultural beliefs that she should be married with a child by her mid to late 30s.
Regardless of your reasons for not wanting to be on your own, it’s essential to like and enjoy your own company irrespective of your circumstances.
Simple ways to get rid of the fear of being single forever
- Learn to be at peace with yourself
Self-acceptance is the beginning of building true intimacy and accepting everything about who you are as a person. Begin to self-evaluate by being honest about the type of relationship that you have with yourself. For instance, do you often criticise yourself, thinking that you are ugly, too old, too fat, not good enough and not worthy of being loved? Your emotional well-being and confidence will be hindered if you talk or think of yourself in this manner. It will lead to low self-esteem, fear and insecurities. Feeling good about yourself begins with your thoughts, so the aim is to "think good, feel good". Bad thoughts influence you to feel bad. We all have inner power which helps to build our esteem, so avoid giving your power away by been stuck in a negative place. We all feel negative from time to time, but it’s highly essential that you don’t get stuck there.
- Feel good about yourself
If you have had negative experiences which could hinder the way that you feel about yourself, then it’s essential that you try your utmost to deal with it. Speaking to people that you trust can help you tremendously. Don’t bottle this up; instead learn to talk about it, as expressing your emotions can help to overcome depression, contribute to feeling positive, build your confidence and self-esteem. Remember - positive people attract positive people, and negative people always attract negative people. Unfortunately, if you don’t believe in yourself, other people will not do this either. It’s like selling something that you don’t like or value, but want others to. It’s very conflicting. The more you believe and love yourself, the more convinced and positive you will feel about finding the right partner for you.
- Change your mindset about being single
Being single is a period to be embraced. It is time to get to know and understand who you are as a person before you pursue your potential spouse. This is a period in your life where you can set personal goals and work towards fulfilling your true destiny. When you are living the life that you want and enjoying yourself, there is no time wasted, as the best mindset to adopt is living your life to the fullest and still preparing yourself for a life partner. You are likely to get the right partner when you have taken time to love, accept, develop, know and understand yourself, as these are some key principles required from a relationship. So rather than being afraid of being alone, embrace it and prepare for your life partner by aiming to be your best self. Remember - you meet people based on where you are on an emotional level.
- Enjoy yourself
Create time to enjoy yourself by engaging in enjoyable activities with friends and family. Feeling empty and negative will not motivate or empower you. Create a happy list to enjoy things that you love and have fun. When you are not satisfied with who you are and become desperate to be in a relationship, it could contribute to meeting the wrong people that may mistreat you and take advantage of your vulnerabilities. People want to be around positive and happy people.
- Don’t be jealous of other people’s relationships
No relationship is perfect, and some people may choose to edit negative experiences about their relationships when discussing their relationship with you, so you will never really understand the full dynamics of another person’s relationship.
When you are happy for other happy couples, it minimises any bitterness, and you know in your heart that your time will come. Never compare yourself to others and understand that everyone has their journey. Your time will come too.
Counselling Directory is not responsible for the articles published by members. The views expressed are those of the member who wrote the article.
About Kate Megase
I am a counsellor, coach and motivational speaker. I specialise in issues associated with relationships, anxiety, depression and low self-esteem.… Read more
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