Facing divorce? It's possible to have a good ending
Therapy can be useful for dealing with the end of a marriage. Whilst it is unlikely that we can find a quick fix to deal with our loss, along with the rage and fear we may feel, we need to act in a way which is constructive. We need to be able to recognise and handle our emotions. Therapy can also help us to reflect on the changes that are necessary for us to heal and move on.
Divorce represents the end of the marriage. It is like a bereavement. Grief can be all consuming. It can be accompanied by powerful emotional states such as anger, denial, depression, anxiety, guilt, regret - all of which can feel overwhelming. Therapy can help us both acknowledge and contain our own feelings.
When we are going through a trauma, such as divorce, we need to think carefully and navigate our way mindfully. Anger often mobilises people out of their denial and into action. When we are provoked either directly or in a way which is passive-aggressive, we can be triggered into responding negatively.
Good therapy is key here: It can reaffirm that whilst we are entitled to feel angry, it can also show us how important it is to find ways of handling the situation - and not take it out on the children, our ex or ourselves.
Depression often features in divorce because the process often feels hard going and lonely. Anxiety is often around too, as we worry about the future and how we are going to cope. It is a lot to handle. Therefore, it is very important if we feel it is affecting our day to day functioning, to seek help.
Having a therapeutic alliance can help us to rediscover our sense of power. How? Well, it can help uncover how our family of origin may have affected our choice of mate and how reflection can help us to avoid making the same mistake. It is important to honestly assess ourselves, even if it hurts. Therapy can also help us to keep focused on what is important.
Once we get things in perspective, we can start using the resources available to us. Good friends, helpful family members and support groups. All of which can help us achieve a good ending to what is often a traumatic process.
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