Couple therapy - love, what is it?

New Year’s confrontations?

It’s that time of the year again when stressed out couples start to think of the New Year with its new beginnings and fresh start. For some the question may be ‘how do I end the relationship?’, whilst for others it’s, ‘I must stay in this “toxic” relationship because I’m too afraid there will be nothing better out there’. Once a ‘tentative’ decision has been explored and made, there are numerous ways in which couples can bring about a separation; whether it’s through physical, sexual, emotional, financial, legal or religious means. When there is an emotional separation, a lot of feelings can come bubbling up to the surface or hover around in the background; emotions such as depression, sadness, rejection, shame, envy, despair, shock, denial, jealousy, loneliness, fear, negative self-worth, trust, relief, anger to name but a few. Similarly, the risk of self-harm or harm to others and or/even suicide may be a risk factor for some.

In the mix of all this, the question of ‘love’ rears it’s head and couples start to ponder what it means and whether they have ever had the good fortune of experiencing it. So what is love exactly? How can it be defined? Love is central to all religions and can be described as an action, an intention and a way of being. It involves affection, commitment, loyalty, generosity, kindness, intimacy, tenderness, attachment and care. 

Rules for good relationships

So, there is much to consider and explore when we think about relationships and what they mean? Indeed, few people know what the rules for a good relationship are and therefore often struggle at the first hurdle or when they encounter their first major obstacle. In reality, most couples spend a lot of their time and energy trying desperately to change each other by getting angry and protesting; getting upset and even threatening with suicide; or by imposing change through bullying or seduction.

So how can couples move forward and what does moving forward actually mean? This is where a non-judgemental, confidential and safe therapeutic setting with a secular, unbiased counsellor can help immensely. So if as you are reading this article, you are thinking to yourself, ‘I’m just not content nor excited in my relationship with my partner any more’. Then, perhaps, it is time that you took that leap of faith to begin the process of starting to bring about change, in order to reinvigorate spice back into your life and to your relationship.