Can we find meaning in depression?
Depression is usually regarded as an extremely negative experience. After all, it is painful to feel and can rob us of our enthusiasm, energy and enjoyment of relationships. Many people come to therapy because they feel dissatisfied with life, have unhappy relationships or are stressed in some way. Underneath these symptoms, there is often a depression.
In our culture we tend to try and get rid of depression when it appears, using pills or pragmatic advice such as "exercise more" or "count your blessings". While for some there may be a role for anti-depressants or practical tips, sometimes we need to go a bit deeper and look at what the depression may be trying to say.
A therapist working in a soulful way, while acknowledging the pain a depressed client is feeling, does not automatically try to ‘fix’ the client by trying to take the painful feelings away. Instead, they are curious about what may underlie the depressed feelings. For example, it could be a buried anger that has never been acknowledged by the client and has now been turned inward in the form of depression, or it could be related to extremely painful experiences in childhood that have never been truly mourned.
Depression may also be a symptom that we are pushing down, a part of ourselves that needs to be heard or honoured. Fo example, if we are living a life that is really in line with what our parents approved of rather than what we longed for ourselves, those unmet needs may result in depression
James Hollis, author of Swamplands of the Soul, believes that depression is often a suppression of a person’s life force and that everyone experiences depression at some point. He says: “The psyche uses depression to get our attention, to show that something is profoundly wrong. Once we understand its therapeutic value…then depression can even seem a friend of sorts.”
While it may be possible to understand some of what may be causing a depression, that does not mean it will necessarily lift quickly. A therapist working in a soulful way must be prepared to be with his or her client as they struggle with depressed feelings, resisting the temptation to “rescue” the client with false reassurances.
At times we do not know what is beneath the depression and we simply need to accept and sit with it in a compassionate way, trusting that it is there for a reason. This compassion can help heal, over time, even if our ego is desperate for the pain to disappear more quickly.
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About Patrick Mccurry
Are you experiencing relationship, intimacy or family problems? If so, I can help. I am still accepting new clients and am offering phone and video sessions during the Coronavirus restrictions.
I work with individuals and couples. I also specialise in helping people who are struggling with anger, anxiety, depression, sexual problems or a lack of meaning.
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