Breaking free from body shame: The path to self-acceptance

I’m in my early 40s, but I can still vividly remember the comments my grandmothers or aunts made about my appearance. I was often told I was too fat or too chubby, always compared to others or to the people on TV who seemed to have the "right" look. It felt like being fat was being ugly; unworthy. Yet, ironically, these were the same adults who constantly fed me.

You see, they had grown up in times of hunger, especially after the war. For them, food was a way of showing love and care. They didn’t realise that this well-meaning gesture was setting the foundation for unhealthy habits. Some of us grew up overweight, and yet we were expected to manage our weight like it was something easy - a problem we could fix as children. I remember feeling sad and, as I grew older, that sadness turned into hatred. Hatred for my own body.

This is where my journey of body shame began. I spent years struggling to accept the way I looked. It affected my relationships and confidence and made me feel like I wasn’t good enough. I tried diets and lost a lot of weight in my 20s. But, when I look back at photos of myself from that time, I see a beautiful young woman - though I never felt that way then. I felt both huge and small at the same time.

Even after having my children, the feeling never went away. Despite being extremely skinny, I still saw a distorted image in the mirror. It wasn’t until I finally felt safe in my life - getting enough sleep, feeling confident in my work, and being content in my relationships - that I decided to bring this issue to therapy.

I realised that this box I had locked away, labelled 'my fat body', wasn’t as terrifying to open as I’d thought. In therapy, I reflected on how I became my own worst critic and how my body image was shaped by family members. I also began to notice my eating patterns and how they were tied to feeling unsupported or lonely. These were early signs of burnout for me, signals that I needed to slow down and take care of myself.

The idea of voicing my feelings about my body was once the scariest thing. But, in reality, it became the most healing act of self-care I’ve ever experienced. It soothed the hurt child in me who had been shamed for her body all those years ago.

Now, as a woman in her 40s, I still sometimes struggle with those old insecurities. But I’ve also started questioning the idea of a 'perfect body'. When I talk to people, I don’t see them through the lens of their weight - I notice their face, their body language, and the way we communicate. I’ve decided to see the beauty in myself too, in all the layers of confidence I’ve built over the years, through life’s ups and downs.

How therapy can help you see yourself differently

Counselling has been an essential part of helping me reframe my perspective. It offers a space to explore how our views of our bodies are shaped by society, culture, and family history. These layers of influence run deep, we often don’t even realise how they’ve impacted us until we take a closer look. Therapy can help untangle these complex threads and give us the chance to understand our unique journey.

Through exploring these layers, you can start to shape your own narrative. You learn that your body is not just something to be judged by societal standards. It’s a part of who you are, and it reflects your life story. Self-acceptance is not about meeting someone else’s idea of 'perfect'. It’s about seeing yourself with compassion, understanding where those old beliefs came from, and learning to embrace the person you are today.

In today’s world, where external pressures can make us feel inadequate, finding peace within ourselves is more important than ever. Therapy provides that safe space to explore, heal, and finally accept the beauty that lies within our complexity.