7 steps to beat anxiety

As someone who has a particular interest in helping people manage anxiety, I want to share some of the things that can really help. Most of us know that it’s normal to feel some anxiety in the face of difficult circumstances. However, sometimes, anxiety can get so embedded you can feel that it’s starting start to take over, and at this point, you may feel that you want to do something about it.

If you’re overwhelmed with anxiety, you might be thinking: 

• I don’t enjoy anything like I used to.
• I can’t cope with this fear and anxiety every day
• Why do I worry so much?
• What’s wrong with me? Am I going mad?
• I can’t live my life the way I want to.
• I believe my difficult thoughts - they are true.
• Why is my body feeling so bad, and what are these physical symptoms?
• Why is my mood low and why do I avoid things and procrastinate?
• My anxiety focuses mainly on one thing (e.g. health anxiety, social anxiety or a fear of public transport).

I’m not going to focus on the excellent research, books and theories about anxiety. I’m also not going to concentrate on lifestyle basics such as good sleep, nutrition, exercise, relaxation, social connection etc. because a lot is already written about that and I believe that lifestyle changes can only go so far, in the management of anxiety.

I want to focus on seven steps which, from my experience, make a real difference. 

1. Say hello to and get to know your particular anxiety

Start by exploring and identifying the thoughts that whirl around your brain when you are anxious. This is really important because if you don’t know what you’re telling yourself, you won’t be able to challenge or change it. Common thoughts are “I’m not good enough” or perhaps having a sense of dread that “something horrible is going to happen.”

Start to observe yourself, and jot down what you notice. This also applies to emotions and physical sensations. You might notice feeling ashamed or getting nauseous or pins and needles when you’re anxious, make a note of that too.

2. Educate yourself about anxiety

Do a little research about how and why anxiety is a normal part of being human. Learn about how our brains are programmed to watch out for danger, to look for patterns, and to create inaccurate thoughts that hinder us. Learn about what happens physically when stress hormones such as adrenalin and cortisol are released, and demystify your physical symptoms. Start to learn that many of our thoughts are overly negative, inaccurate, and unhelpful. Develop a determination or ambition, not to blindly believe all your thoughts.

3. Accept anxiety

Yes, I know this sounds crazy, but the more you fear or want to avoid that uncomfortable feeling of anxiety, the more it will plague you. If you can start to see the “scary monster” more like a companion, who will sometimes be around as you live parts of your life, the less terrified you will feel. Accepting your level of anxiety will also help you start to face your anxiety triggers, and the more you face your triggers, the less anxiety-provoking they become. 

4. Understand that anxiety will pass

However frightened you are (and believe me, I know how tortured you can feel or how scary panic attacks are), your new mantra must be “This will pass” because it does. An even better mantra you can use is “This will pass and I will survive it.”  Anxiety feeds off our belief that we cannot cope and will collapse under it. You must actively challenge this.

5. Act and do not avoid or procrastinate

Anxiety makes us fear and avoid things (our triggers). This avoidance makes us even more afraid to act the next time. This might sound counter-intuitive, but avoidance feeds anxiety and exposure to your triggers reduces it. Learning to reduce anxiety takes courage. The courage to be frightened and face things that you are frightened of.

Believe me, when one of my clients tries something which they have been avoiding, they never (and I really mean never) come back to me and say, “It was awful, I wish I had never done that.” Instead, they tell me about how it was better/easier than they had feared. They also report that they feel better about themselves. Facing your anxiety (with some regularity) soon helps to reduce and even stop your fear and it builds your self-esteem. 

6. Do not believe your anxious thoughts

Practice and learn to reframe your thoughts. Hopefully, you’ve acted on step one and identified those thoughts. Now you’re going to need to actively challenge them. You need to replace anxious thoughts with new, accurate and helpful ones. 

Imagine going to a job interview thinking “...Please give me a job, I’m desperate. I’m going to flunk this. I won’t be able to speak or remember what I want to say. The other candidates are going to be so much better than me. I’m going to fail...” You need to develop new thoughts that are going to help you reduce your anxiety. You need to be honest and authentic and focus on what is accurate.

So after reframing your thoughts, imagine going to the same job interview thinking “…I’m nervous but the other candidates will be too. I’m good at XYZ, I have these skills... I’m a good fit for this job and I’d be a valuable part of their team…” You don’t have to be a genius to imagine which thoughts will serve you better in the interview. 

Reframing your thoughts consistently is a major tool for shifting your self-state from worry and fear to quiet confidence and self-belief. 

7. Seek help when you need it

Anxiety can feel crippling, and sometimes you can go around in circles trying to help yourself without much success. You might feel it’s impossible to manage your way out of anxiety. So, if you’re in this position, actively seek professional help. Self-help books can be useful, but in my experience, one-to-one help from a counsellor can be much more effective. It can be hard to self-analyse and increase self-awareness without a trained expert to help. That same expert can support you to work through the changes, that really make a difference.

Talking therapy can really help you understand the source of your anxiety, help you reframe thoughts, practice new behaviours, and manage your emotional and physical responses. Sometimes you need professional expertise and support to help you to reduce your anxiety and improve your quality of life.  

I want to end this by offering you some reassurance and hope. It is definitely possible (with effort and persistence) to reclaim your life from the clutches of the anxiety monster.