5 mental errors that prevent you from growing

Most of us will agree, in theory, that talking therapies can open ourselves to a process of self-enquiry and create movement and development in our lives, yet many people continue to avoid them. 

In my work, I identified a number of errors of reasoning that we have all inherited which prevent us from talking to someone in times of hardship.

You think life is easy

This is wrong. Human existence is not always easy; you like to delude yourselves that it is because this is what you’ve been told. Life on Earth is actually demanding and challenging on many levels, and your complex and unfinished human nature cannot help you adjust with ease all the time.

The reality is that you have not been encouraged to talk about your difficulties when you were little, and you continue the play the charade, pretending you cope with life and ignoring your real inner feelings.

Shame, guilt, inadequacy, and fear mix together within you and keep you away from connecting with your experiences, and your busy schedule sometimes gives you a false sense of happiness or excitement, which is very often just intensity numbing your inner pain.

You want to reach perfection

Perfection does not exist. It is only a social construct, a delusion in your mind. We are all imperfect, but like me and all the others, you struggle to accept it. This makes it hard to connect with your weakness, imperfection and vulnerability you hold within, because the world outside expects you to be perfect, strong, and resilient. 

You have no option other than to follow the crowds and do your best to hold it together, but there are times when your self-deception, distractions or self-medication become less effective in numbing the hurts you trapped inside, and this is when you reach out for support.

You think you should be strong at all times

Any human being will be able to acknowledge that human life is dynamic and is changing rapidly, sometimes in the space of a few seconds.

To expect someone to be strong at all times is insane. It is no different than asking someone to be awake at all times and never go to sleep. That would be unnatural; it will be against our human nature, and we will simply not survive.

Being vulnerable is natural, but showing vulnerability comes unnaturally. It is perceived as a sign of weakness, and you most likely avoid it at all costs. But there comes a time when you connect with the source of pain you covered for such a long time, which starts coming out, gradually, in layers and outbursts that are hard to control. The sooner you start working properly on yourselves, the quicker the results and the shorter the suffering.

You value other people’s stories more than yours

There is a global trend that encourages people to train the human mind to think positively, increase resilience, focus, perform, and never give up. What a seductive idea. Most people will embrace it as a natural progression through life and describe it as a personal journey of self-development and, in most cases, it is exactly that.

What this process does not tackle is the vast human experience that lays underneath these expectations and the distress they bring in people’s lives.

Whether you acknowledge it or not, you love movies, television, and social media, and you invest a lot of time in listening to other peoples’ stories, but you find difficult to listen to your own internal story.

Immersion in your personal exploration process can be frightening, although you are probably aware that whatever you are trying to avoid is already there within you.

It is your social conditioning that prevents you from embracing your inner worlds, and you will waste the important time of your life if you don’t give yourselves a chance to make sense of who you really are.

You focus on the outer world

In times of hardship, although it would be more helpful to connect with your feelings, listen to their message and learn from their depth, you tend to focus on the busyness of the outer world.

The problem is that the outside world does not really have answers for you and acts more as a distraction.

To preserve your well-being, you need to look inwards, let go of fears and shame, consume the suffering, forgive and heal, and create space for future joy and happiness in your soul. A good start is to stop listening to the critical voices of others which you allowed to inhabit your mind for so long, and consciously learn to hear your genuine inner-voice.

This will naturally bring light in your mind, warmth in your soul, and health in your body. All you need to do is to make that jump and shift your perceptions. And know yourselves, because you are worthy.

The views expressed in this article are those of the author. All articles published on Counselling Directory are reviewed by our editorial team.

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London W1K & SE22
Written by Nicoleta Porojanu, MSc, BSc Hons, GradDip Psy, PgDip ClinHyp
London W1K & SE22

Hello! I am a counsellor & psychotherapist with background in clinical psychology and a large variety of clinical and international community experience.

I trained in a wide range of techniques from psychology, CBT and integrative psychotherapy, to mindfulness, hypnotherapy and therapeutic counselling.

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