The #Metoo movement, and the courage of survivors speaking out about their abuse around the world, show signs of a growing awareness and acknowledgment of the scale of sexual abuse. Equally strong are the voices of those who seek to deny this reality and blame victims (often, though not always, younger women) for lying, or having in some way caused the abuse. The arguments are familiar: “but that was years ago - why didn’t she say something at the time?”;...
I've been there. I've lived being 'trapped' in domestic abuse. I've heard the keys in the front door and felt my legs feel like jelly as though they wouldn't hold me up! My coping mechanism was to keep busy and keep trying to be 'perfect'. For years I was in denial that it was happening to me! There had to be another reason why he treated me as he did. Was he ill? Was he insecure? Can I prove to him I love him unconditionally? The list was endless... Are you just wanting a calm evening? You...
Is the beautiful game an excuse for domestic abuse? Football is the dominant sport in this country, and there have been studies that show a link between domestic abuse and football due to their shared association with intrinsic forms of sexism and violence. Football involves a mix of emotions and behaviours; even more so as of late when the country was full of hope that England could bring back the most prestigious trophy in football. Watching and being a part of this can, on occasion, make...
The FIFA World Cup tournament can offer fans great excitement and thrills when there can be a coming together around 90 minutes of excitement and intense emotional connections. However, the sporting spectacle can also offer a dark side too. For a number of years organisations have recorded a rise in incidents of domestic violence particularly when the England football team are playing in major tournaments. More recently police forces have reported a higher incidence of calls involving...
What is violence in the home?The UK government’s definition of domestic violence is any incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, assaultive and coercive behaviour, violence or abuse between those aged 16 and over who are or have been intimate partners or family members. The vast majority of domestic violence incidents are carried out by men and experienced by women.The abuse can be physical, sexual, psychological, emotional such as coercive control, digital or on line, honour...
When a person decides to go and see a counsellor, chances are that they are not feeling at their strongest. It may well have taken a long time to decide to seek help. Sometimes a person doesn't really want to see a counsellor but their loved ones keep telling them they ought to. Often people don't actually know what a counsellor does. If you or someone you know relates to this, please read on. This is a brief introduction on how to be counselled. First, finding a counsellor. You may want the...
It can be so hard to watch someone that you love being treated badly by their partner, and harder still to understand why they stay. You may find yourself frustrated, sad, angry, depressed, irritated and feeling powerless. The truth is, they also may not understand why they stay. Or, they may be torn, caught between loving their partner, but also hating the way that they are sometimes (or frequently) treated. They may be financially dependent, or had their self-esteem chipped away...
Domestic violence is such an epidemic that at one point or another it is inevitable that as counsellors we will come into contact with a survivor. Therefore we need to be prepared and have the understanding of the dynamics at play and the complexity of all that is involved in domestic violence. Lack of knowledge can limit us in terms of recognising and correctly interpreting behaviours associated with domestic violence. We have the potential to revictimise a client if we are not educated...
We only exist in our parents’ gaze until we learn how to view ourselves objectively. Beginning from the moment we are born, the process of emotional development carries us from dependence towards independence, where we learn to rely on ourselves. We sail across the messy terrain of childhood into adult seas on a boat crafted from the sands of time. Pieces of driftwood attach themselves at random shaping into the form we believe we need to survive in order to reach our destination. Yet if...
Unlike physical abuse, the emotional and psychological scars are not immediately visible. The constant demands of an abusive partner can wear women down. As a result of this, women can develop symptoms such as difficulty sleeping, eating, anxiety and self-harm. The impact of emotional and psychological abuse can be profound and long-lasting. Women may experience emotions such as grief, anger and fear long after leaving the abusive relationship. Women as a result of abuse, lose control in...
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