All close relationships rely on clear and effective communication. Learning how to listen attentively and express yourself is essential if you want to build trust and intimacy with your loved ones. When your emotions and values are expressed openly and directly, you’re much more likely to be understood. Even when there is conflict, allowing each other to express your emotions with empathy improves your chances of having your needs met. Confusion often arises when you believe you’re...
Christmas is a time that can intensify the loneliness that one may feel or has been battling with. Add to this that abusers use a tactic called isolation, which is a means to isolate the victim so that the victim becomes dependent on the abuser who is the only person they may have. The abuser tries to isolate the victim from friends and family so that these relationships can be lost, and the victim is left vulnerable and the power and control of the abuser tightens. If this support system is...
If I were to mention the words ‘domestic abuse’, the first thing that would likely come to mind for you would be violence. Whilst arguably all violence within a relationship may constitute domestic abuse, not all domestically abusive relationships contain violence. Actually, some people are not even aware they are in an abusive relationship immediately, whilst others may never become aware for the duration of the relationship. Recently I was speaking with somebody about...
The #Metoo movement, and the courage of survivors speaking out about their abuse around the world, show signs of a growing awareness and acknowledgment of the scale of sexual abuse. Equally strong are the voices of those who seek to deny this reality and blame victims (often, though not always, younger women) for lying, or having in some way caused the abuse. The arguments are familiar: “but that was years ago - why didn’t she say something at the time?”;...
I've been there. I've lived being 'trapped' in domestic abuse. I've heard the keys in the front door and felt my legs feel like jelly as though they wouldn't hold me up! My coping mechanism was to keep busy and keep trying to be 'perfect'. For years I was in denial that it was happening to me! There had to be another reason why he treated me as he did. Was he ill? Was he insecure? Can I prove to him I love him unconditionally? The list was endless... Are you just wanting a calm evening? You...
Is the beautiful game an excuse for domestic abuse? Football is the dominant sport in this country, and there have been studies that show a link between domestic abuse and football due to their shared association with intrinsic forms of sexism and violence. Football involves a mix of emotions and behaviours; even more so as of late when the country was full of hope that England could bring back the most prestigious trophy in football. Watching and being a part of this can, on occasion, make...
The FIFA World Cup tournament can offer fans great excitement and thrills when there can be a coming together around 90 minutes of excitement and intense emotional connections. However, the sporting spectacle can also offer a dark side too. For a number of years organisations have recorded a rise in incidents of domestic violence particularly when the England football team are playing in major tournaments. More recently police forces have reported a higher incidence of calls involving...
What is violence in the home?The UK government’s definition of domestic violence is any incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, assaultive and coercive behaviour, violence or abuse between those aged 16 and over who are or have been intimate partners or family members. The vast majority of domestic violence incidents are carried out by men and experienced by women.The abuse can be physical, sexual, psychological, emotional such as coercive control, digital or on line, honour...
When a person decides to go and see a counsellor, chances are that they are not feeling at their strongest. It may well have taken a long time to decide to seek help. Sometimes a person doesn't really want to see a counsellor but their loved ones keep telling them they ought to. Often people don't actually know what a counsellor does. If you or someone you know relates to this, please read on. This is a brief introduction on how to be counselled. First, finding a counsellor. You may want the...
Domestic violence is such an epidemic that at one point or another it is inevitable that as counsellors we will come into contact with a survivor. Therefore we need to be prepared and have the understanding of the dynamics at play and the complexity of all that is involved in domestic violence. Lack of knowledge can limit us in terms of recognising and correctly interpreting behaviours associated with domestic violence. We have the potential to revictimise a client if we are not educated...
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