The #Metoo movement, and the courage of survivors speaking out about their abuse around the world, show signs of a growing awareness and acknowledgment of the scale of sexual abuse. Equally strong are the voices of those who seek to deny this reality and blame victims (often, though not always, younger women) for lying, or having in some way caused the abuse. The arguments are familiar: “but that was years ago - why didn’t she say something at the time?”;...
A couple of weeks ago I read a review about the forthcoming television drama, 'Patrick Melrose'. It was a well written and sensitive review by a national newspaper paper that didn't shy away from the subject of intrafamilar child sexual abuse experienced by Patrick Melrose as a boy. The review also discussed the novels that the drama is based on, highlighting the novels were loosely based on the experiences of the author Edward St Aubyn. Often the media does not cover the abuse and child sexual...
What is violence in the home?The UK government’s definition of domestic violence is any incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, assaultive and coercive behaviour, violence or abuse between those aged 16 and over who are or have been intimate partners or family members. The vast majority of domestic violence incidents are carried out by men and experienced by women.The abuse can be physical, sexual, psychological, emotional such as coercive control, digital or on line, honour...
Pregnancy and birth can be a particularly tricky time for sexual assault and abuse survivors. At a time when women are usually expected to be full of joy and anticipation, survivors can find that painful and difficult feelings related to the assaults and abuse are triggered. This can be really hard to talk about; sexual trauma in itself is not something that we as a society are very comfortable discussing. This can be compounded when it is combined with the cultural taboo around disclosing...
Domestic violence is such an epidemic that at one point or another it is inevitable that as counsellors we will come into contact with a survivor. Therefore we need to be prepared and have the understanding of the dynamics at play and the complexity of all that is involved in domestic violence. Lack of knowledge can limit us in terms of recognising and correctly interpreting behaviours associated with domestic violence. We have the potential to revictimise a client if we are not educated...
When sexual abuse/violence is experienced at any point in a survivors life, not many people are aware of how this may impact on the survivors sexuality, their sexual concept, their attitudes towards sex, their beliefs, the negative mindset left by the abuse, and how this affects the survivors sexual identity. Not much is discussed to highlight this pain and expression of unresolved pain. Firstly, it is important to make clear that sex abuse/violence is not sex or about sex but about power and...
Experienced counsellor Working with an experienced counsellor after sexual violence is an important step in accepting the event and being able to move on with your life. A counsellor who has specific training in the impact of sexual abuse, dissociative identity disorder and rape crisis work, is in a really good position to understand your experience and support you to move on with your life. Is the counsellor a dissociation-friendly therapist? Building a relationship with trust Finding a...
For decades, male sexual abuse has remained hidden and taboo with many men living in silence, but over recent years it has entered the mainstream consciousness through weekly news reports of cases of abuse. In my work with men who’ve experienced sexual abuse, I’ve noted the impact of such reports in helping many realise they are not alone, leading many to take the courageous step in seeking help to heal from the experiences of their past. If you’re a survivor of sexual...
In recent years, the media quite rightly, has highlighted historical childhood sexual abuse which has been raising awareness. The magnitude of offences perhaps beyond belief for some. It happened - its true! All this media attention however can have an adverse effect on victims by triggering their memories, they may come to feel they have an obligation to tell their own secrets because others have. Victims can be left feeling pressured from all angles. The dilemma - to tell or not...
The news media in the UK are currently full of revelations about child sexual abuse in the world of football. Many men in their forties and fifties are coming forward to talk about what happened to them when they were being coached as children. Some have never spoken about their experiences before. Others did disclose the abuse, but appropriate action was not taken. Some were silenced with non-disclosure agreements and paid to keep quiet. When people begin to talk about the abuse publicly, what...
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