Why don't you get the respect you deserve?
1st December, 2009
Two of the most basic qualities you can develop that impact your relationship with your partner are self-love and self-respect. It sounds so deceptively easy to say that you should respect and love yourself, and you may feel you do.
However, for many individuals, their self-talk and actions reflect just how deeply rooted their feelings of inadequacy, shame, and self-loathing actually are. Even talking about self-love can create uneasiness and guilt if they feel they shouldn’t be focusing on themselves because this connotes self-centeredness.
In reality, you cannot fully love and respect your partner unless you can love and respect yourself. There’s much truth in the saying that “You can’t give what you don’t have.”
You show love and respect for yourself when you honor your need to have some time to yourself, when you make time to pursue your hobbies and interests, and when you take steps to achieve your dreams and goals. You show you value your needs when you make time to keep contact with friends and family members. When you set appropriate boundaries and refuse to be physically, verbally, or emotionally abused by others, you are practicing self-respect.
You also are loving and respectful of yourself when you stop your negative self-talk and become aware of the words and tone you use when you talk to yourself. With consistent practice, you can change your self-talk so it becomes supportive and positive. You can learn to say “Stop—I’m not going to talk to myself that way anymore. That’s my old behavior. Now I’m going to talk to myself like I would when trying to help and encourage a dear friend.”
“Nobody holds a good opinion of a man who has a low opinion of himself,” states Anthony Trollope. When you respect yourself, your attitude and expectations will be conveyed to your partner, as well as the other people in your life. This will affect the quality of your interactions.
Dostoyevsky once wrote,
“If you want to be respected by others, the great thing is to respect yourself.” Only by respecting yourself will you compel others to respect you.
Quote of the Week
“Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
Relationship books that may help save your relationship
Related articles from our experts
- Where do relationships begin?
Geoff Miles, Counsellor, Supervisor, Training Courses.16th July, 2018
- Why relationships need empathy
Susan Hooper MBACP12th July, 2018
- Who do you think you are? 'Connecting the dots' through therapeutic genograms
Cinzia Altobelli (MSc RGN UKCP reg Psychotherapist/Counsellor & Supervisor)12th July, 2018
Counselling Directory is not responsible for the articles published by members. The views expressed are those of the member who wrote the article.