Written by listed counsellor/psychotherapist: Beccy Stremes Registered MBACP (Accred)
5th February, 20170 Comments
It is that time of year again. Hardly six weeks after the commercialism of Christmas and yet again, the pressure from society, to firstly have a lover, and secondly, shower them with gifts to show your undying love for them. Let’s face it, how many of you look back and feel a pang, for the times that there wasn’t a Valentines card or two lying on the mat when you went to collect the post? At the same time, I still remember my first Valentines card. At 55 years old, I can still remember what it looked like, and who sent it.
I also remember when married with young children, Valentines being a day where we were lucky to exchange cards, or have time for a fancy meal, yet we did really love and care for each other, but Valentines day just became a pressure to say how much we loved each other, even if we’d had a row, or just weren’t really having the best time that day.
I also remember going out on Valentines evening with my sister in-law. Both our partners had to work that night, and actually what I remember is what fun we’d had. I’m sure we looked happier than a lot of couples in the restaurant that night, catching up on the gossip and laughing over funny things.
There are also those friends whose partners literally shower them with gifts, where we find ourselves feeling a little jealous, and have a feeling that we’re lesser than in our own love, let alone if you are single and don’t have a partner.
So, yes Valentines day, I believe for most of us, can bring up some pretty ‘blue’ feelings.
So this is how we could approach it...
For a start, we could remember that first Valentines card, and cherish the moments, and look back and remember all the other moments - good or bad, but I also remember the first few years of being single again, and texting every single friend I had in my mobile and sending them love on Valentines day. It became like a secret society of people who were not being miserable on Valentines day, but were sharing their love with single friends, and feeling loved back too. One year, we arranged Valentines shaped cakes at work for everyone. It made everyone feel loved, whether in a relationship or not.
This has shifted the emphasis from being about whether your lover has remembered, or whether you have any secret admirers, to just a wonderful day of loveliness and kindness and appreciating everyone, for who they are – single; married; divorced; madly in love; desperately trying to hold on to a bit of love in a difficult relationship; widowed; blissfully single, or just out of a messy relationship. You don’t have to give to the card industry, but you can give a little love for free. And if you are someone who loves showering another half with glitzy gifts, but don’t have another half right now, there are always plenty of charities out there in desperate need, so why don’t you shower them with a bit of money love? Let it be your special Valentines gift.
So, with Valentines approaching, don’t walk with your head down, feeling lesser because you don’t have a partner, NO NO! Hold your head up high and smile, and remember to Whatsapp all your friends telling them how much you love them.
About the author
Beccy works integratively, blending different theories, in order to offer a unique service to each client. She has ten years experience working with individuals and couples and qualified to degree level.
Her passion lies within helping clients learn how to live their lives happily after change happens.
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