There's strength in needing others
Written by listed counsellor/psychotherapist: Sarah May Thorpe BSC MBACP
18th January, 20160 Comments
I would like to share my thoughts this new year about asking for help. You might be considering seeking support at this moment in time, this could be the reason for reading this article. Asking for help, especially emotionally, is for some of us, incredibly a painful process.
We may find ourselves battling with the ego, sending messages to the self that you need to be strong, that asking for help is for people who are weak. When it is so much the opposite, there is absolute courage in asking for others to help us.
Are you familiar with coping alone, find it difficult to trust others? This adds to our misconception that asking for help means that you are not coping or that it is dangerous. We may focus on the past uncomfortable experiences of feeling embarrassed when asking for help, at school, college or at work. We may ignore all our good experiences of asking for help, if you think of them now, I am sure you will have some.
Take time now to reflect upon a time when a colleague or friend asked you for help, how did that feel? Most people gain a great satisfaction, joy of helping someone else. Think back to the feelings you experienced when someone came to you in their hour of need.
When we become comfortable giving and receiving, we learn to relish a two way relationship that is balanced, whether that be a professional or personal relationship.
We may feel that asking for help will make us more vulnerable, when really the feeling can be empowering when taking control to reach out.
Asking different people for help, depending on the nature of help you need, is how we progress and develop. We learn from others, we open ourselves up to more fulfilling relationships and job satisfaction.
If you are struggling to ask for help, notice how this is affecting your life. How would your life be different if you turned to those around you for help? This may be at work, at home, at school, or at university.
If you find yourself isolated, or struggling to trust others, talking to a professional may be a step forward to discovering how you can build confidence/self-esteem, to meet new people and join new groups.
I watched a film recently starring Bradley Cooper called 'Burnt', about a famous chef who is battling with addictions. On his journey of overcoming these, whether it be women, drugs or alcohol, he learns to ask for help and not set himself aside from his colleagues and friends. He learns from others how to be part of a family. There are lots of other thought provoking messages in this film about humanity.
I believe we can choose to live a lonely life, or we can learn to live a life with others around us, where there is mutual support and understanding.
About the author
My name is Sarah Thorpe, I work self employed as a counsellor working in Doncaster with adults, children and their families. I have a background of working with people in creating and living a more fulfilled life.
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