The Struggle To Understand
Written by listed counsellor/psychotherapist: Sally Quill UKCP
7th October, 2010
Each of us is a complex individual. Our behaviour is driven by our emotions, our beliefs, our background and history and just by what's going on in our lives on any given day. In a relationship all these factors and influences are combined with those of another person who, of course, is also driven by their own emotions, beliefs and background. Within this situation lies the potential for drama, misunderstanding, confusion and hurt.
We may struggle to understand our relationships and our partners, or potential partners, but it may be that we simply don’t understand our selves.
Without an awareness of what motivates and drives us in our relationships we can only go on repeating the same patterns of behaviour that always result in the same, seemingly predictable outcome. But if it's so predictable, why can't we see what's coming and change course?
In order for us to make meaningful and permanent changes in our relationship dynamics we need to understand our selves within the context of our relationships.
For example, why we select certain people as partners or why we react to our partners in the ways that we do or why we seem to be in such emotionally dramatic relationships. If we can understand these and other aspects of our selves then we can see what is happening and choose our responses. This is so much more constructive than reacting blindly to what we just assume is going on and feeling powerless in our default responses.
In other words, if we are aware of what we're doing and why we're doing it, then we have the choice of whether we want to do it or not. We can go forward feeling more in control and with the empowerment to do things differently.
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