The Paradox of Intimacy and Sexuality
6th October, 2010
Did you ever consider the fact that what makes a relationship super might be what is killing sex?
Safety, reliability, predictability, knowing one's partner...all make a great relationship. A relationship where both feel safe and loved. We all seek the moment in our relationship where we know our loved one, we feel safe with them because we know what they're thinking and what they're going to do next. We can be vulnerable with our loved one because we trust them and we know that they care.
On the other hand we want to be taken to the edge during sex. We want novelty, mystery, the unexpected, to be taken to the unknown. In the beginning of the relationship we do not know what to expect, we are taken by surprise, we experiment and try new things...
After a couple of years we still want to be taken by surprise, we want the unpredictable, spontaneity, but when sex is spontaneous we still know what's next because we know our partner.
Got you thinking now, right?
This doesn't mean that we can't find the balance...that we can't enjoy sex with our partner. We just need to work at it. We need to understand that there is nothing wrong in asking for sex, planning sex dates and talking about sex. Sex is not only great when it is spontaneous. It needs effort and communication.
Related articles from our experts
Renee Norris MBACP Counsellor & PsychotherapistJuly 8th, 2018
Nic HighamJune 30th, 2018
Jo Hughes BACP Accredited CounsellorJuly 17th, 2018
Keeley Townsend BA (Hons), Ad.Dip.CP with Distinction, MNCS (Acc)December 14th, 2009
Imi Lo: Specialist Psychotherapist, Art Therapist (MMH,FRSA,UKCP,HCPC)March 29th, 2015
Andrea Harrn CBT Counsellor and Creator of The Mood CardsMay 13th, 2011
Counselling Directory is not responsible for the articles published by members. The views expressed are those of the member who wrote the article.