Have you ever felt as though what you think or what you feel is too much to share with others? Why do you fear to let others know what cuts in the flesh, what breaks the bone?
Have you ever felt that your problems are too big for others to understand? How could others know what it means to live without light, when at their windows it's light all night?
Do you feel alone in a sea of people, with no one to touch or to be touched by? So alone, so sad, so small and so crippled. It's cold where you are, and you sit in a corner, with your head in your hands and with weight on your shoulders. You wonder how many more tears you're able to shed, you shiver, you sweet and you fret and fret.
You might start to wonder what happened to dreams that you think that you had. Were they really your dreams and your hopes and your goals - or you just dreamed while light sleeping in your corner alone? You scream in your heart as you think aloud "who am I?" or "what I've become?".
Shame, guilt, embarrassment or fear can keep one in silence. Painful, agonizing, heartbreaking, soul killing silence! Not talking about difficult experiences, not sharing your thoughts and feelings brings internal turmoil. Stress can lead to anxiety, anxiety may bring panic attacks, and all the bottled-up feelings, the unwanted thoughts, the repressed memories can trigger a depression. Depression, if not addressed, can have a long lasting, devastating impact - not only on you, but on your family, your children and possibly for many generations to come. Start talking, silence kills!
If you think that the world will come to an end because you shared what was unsaid and if you fear that your words will fail the people that you love most, stop! Stop now! Start taking chances, though you might lose a few - “be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind”.
What is the fear at the end of the day? It might be that you fear rejection, or judgement or you might feel that silence protects from pain. But is this true, are you not already in pain? Are you not lonely and left alone? The time has come for you to decide, two roads ahead of you, and one you know. The other is the road less travelled.
Changes can be difficult. It might feel scary, frightening and you might think that there is no guarantee of a positive outcome, so why should you dare to want different, to want more, to want better? You should dare because you deserve it, because you’re worth it, because you are an amazing human being and you didn’t discover yet your true potential.
Whatever you might think or feel, if it’s causing you distress and if it affects your life, it is worth sharing with others. Things might not be as catastrophic as you think. Don’t suffer in silence, there is help at hand, just reach out! If not possible to talk with friends or family, seek professional help. Go and see your GP, find local support or contact a counsellor. Do not normalise what you are going through, recovery from depression, from a crisis, is possible. Start talking, silence kills!
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About Gianina Ardeleanu
Integrative child and adult counsellor, with a special interest in adverse childhood experiences. I work with and help people experiencing common mental health problems like depression, anxiety and panic attacks. I am being inspired in my writings about my own experiences and from my work as a counsellor. Therapy is a gift and it can change lives!