Loss – when the relationship ends
Written by listed counsellor/psychotherapist: Susan Trussell MBACP (Accred)
5th January, 20140 Comments
The loss of a relationship is one of the most difficult things that we may have to come to terms with, because it is not just the loss of a partner, but also the loss of a planned future together and having to cope with the changes in relationships with friends and family, many of whom may take sides. Add into this the financial and practical issues that have to be dealt with and it isn’t surprising that many cope by staying in denial, hoping that the other will return, whilst being angry at the ‘unfairness’ of it all.
The person who has had least control over the ending, may find themselves unable to accept that it is really over, and watch the solicitors’ letters building up unanswered, or fire back defensively, perhaps hoping that the other will see the pain that they are putting them through.
When all efforts at convincing their former partner to return have come to nothing, and the reality is that the partner is not coming back, it can lead to depression, a time of feeling low and unable to join in everyday life as they would have done in the past.
With time, people come to accept their loss and no longer feel the need to relive the events. It is an ending and, as with all endings, a new beginning. It is often a time to rediscover the person that they are and move on.
This is a process that can, and often does, get stuck at any stage and people find it helpful to have someone to talk things through with, either a trusted friend or a counsellor, to reflect on the past and look at how the future could look. Having someone alongside them to listen and help unravel the emotional turmoil, with kindness and compassion, can help make sense of what happened and start to heal the hurt.
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