Infidelity: how to rebuild trust after betrayal
Written by listed counsellor/psychotherapist: Chloe Goddard McLoughlin (Reg BACP, BA, Ad Dip, Dip) Counsellor/Psychotherapist
12th June, 20180 Comments
The betrayal of trust is the main reason people seek help after an affair. The betrayed partner often says that it's not the physical act that hurts as much as the deceit. However it it possible to repair a relationship after infidelity but it takes time and courage to examine the reasons behind the affair, and to repair the damage in order to move on with strengthened bonds.
Often people who seek affairs are yearning for a different version of themselves, or as an escape route from facing up to difficult issues in their main relationship. The secrecy of the affair adds an excitement that is both addictive and full of shame.
Understanding the context of the affair gives both parties some insight into what led the person to be unfaithful. Partners who have been cheated on often feel that they are to blame, that maybe they were lacking in some way and of course, a relationship is never one sided but part of the therapy is to help the person who has strayed to see that they are responsible for their actions. Relationship counselling seeks to examine the relationship rather than point fingers of blame in order to shed light on how to strengthen the broken bonds for the future.
It is possible for a new strengthened relationship to emerge after therapy, if both parties are resolved to stick with the partnership, and with this intent on both sides a more honest and supportive relationship can emerge.
About the author
I trained to be a counsellor after a career in journalism. While superficially these two worlds of journalism and counselling seem to have little in common, they are linked by a desire to get to the heart of a story. In both fields you need to pay close attention to what you can hear, see and feel to understand how it is to walk in another's shoes.
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