If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't
Oftentimes, while you may not be able to easily say what you do want, you are able to state clearly what you don't want. You may have a sense that what is currently happening is painful, not right, or just doesn't fit for you any more. This pain or dissatisfaction can fuel you to move away from what is not working, and that is a good thing. The downside of avoiding or escaping what you don't want to experience, is that you may not be so clear about what would feel better than the current situation.
If you are unsure about what you want to have happen but know your situation needs to change, you might ask yourself "what would I rather have?". This will uncover your thinking about your preferences and may well move you forwards.
Another very useful thing to do, is to step back from trying to answer the question "what do I want?" consciously, and instead to pay attention to what you are sensing and feeling. Spending some time becoming familiar with the physical sensations of your discomfort, and exploring the way your body expresses and reflects your emotions can give deeper insights.
When you explore systemically in this way, the question becomes "what is good to do?". When you are inhabiting your body and feeling a sense of grounding, what is it that comes to you? Insights may come in feelings, pictures, sounds... really tuning in to all you are experiencing can be very useful.
When you are open to your wider system and not attempting to solve your problems with thoughts alone, you are likely to be more able to reflect on what seems congruent and right, for you, for those around you, and for life at large. Acting in a way that seems right when you are receiving and responding to information from all your senses, rather than just your thoughts, is likely to be more sustainable, peaceful and enjoyable.
So take some time for yourself when you feel something is not right. Be still, listen, and give yourself some space to let your way forward become clear. When something doesn't feel right, at some level, it probably isn't.
For a safe space to honestly reflect and make sense of what you want to happen, contact a counsellor.
About the author
Fe Robinson is a psychotherapist and clinical supervisor working in Durham on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Her mission is to enable clients to find peace and contentment, whatever their life circumstances. Fe is UKCP accredited and BACP registered, offers EMDR, and holds a diploma in supervision.
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