How to know if you have a problem with porn

It is true that not everybody who watches porn is indulging in problem behaviour. If your use of porn is not causing you any harm and not adversely affecting other parts of your life, then it could potentially be viewed as a lifestyle choice and, therefore, not a problem. So often alternative lifestyle choices are potentially pathologised by judgemental clinicians.

When watching porn becomes a problem

The real trouble with porn emerges when your usage starts to produce negative consequences and begins to interfere with the functioning of your close relationships.

The following questions will help you decide if it is a problem:

• Do you lead a secret life by using porn and lie to cover up your online tracks?
• Does your use of porn occupy large amounts of your thinking time?
• Do you panic if your internet connection is off-line and you can’t watch porn when you want?
• Has your use of porn jeopardised your close relationships and or employment/business life? 
• Do you spend more time than planned searching for porn?
• Do you need to find additional categories of porn to find the same satisfaction?
• Do you feel you have to fantasise about porn scenes to get turned on with your partner?
• Do you feel remorse, shame, or guilt after using porn?
• Has your use of porn left you feeling hopeless, alienated from others, or suicidal?

Like most behavioural addictions, there is no exact science when deciding what is problem behaviour, as it can largely be a subjective exercise, but a truthful reflection on the questions could give you some guidance.

The neuroscience of porn

Neuroscientist Norman Doidge in his book The Brain That Changes Itself explains that compulsive use of porn can rewire the arousal pathways in the brain. Pornography satisfies every one of the prerequisites for neuroplastic change (the brain’s ability to form new neural circuitry). The release of the neurotransmitter, dopamine, meets one of the most important conditions of this change. It gives us a feeling of exciting pleasure, which porn triggers in a highly potent way.

Porn releases the 'hit' of dopamine, the more that the activity and the sensation become entwined in the reward centres of your brain. However in the same way that alcoholics experience "tolerance" – when they need more and more of a given stimulant (alcohol) – some porn users can quickly need harder and weirder images for the same amount of dopamine. This can potentially lead to "potency problems", as compulsive use of pornography can lead to problems in maintaining erections.

The trouble with porn is also that it can become easier to be aroused by the extreme images when you don’t have another person’s feelings to consider. There is increasing evidence that watching porn can blunt your normal sexual responses with another person. This is also known as the MESA factor (machine enhanced sexual arousal). This could include erectile problems but might also mean an avoidance of intimacy and an unwillingness to be vulnerable with your partner.

Seeking help

There are a number of 12 step fellowships for sex-related troublesome behaviours such as:

Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA)
Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA)
Sexaholics Anonymous (SA) 

Each has their own way of defining problem behaviour but all apply the 12 Steps of Recovery, originally devised by Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). These "Steps" involve the following: admitting that there is a problem, seeking help, undertaking a robust self-appraisal, confidential self-disclosure, making amends where harm has been done and working with other people who want to recover. Online searches can reveal more about each fellowship and their particular recovery path and how they define the problem.

Talking therapy can offer a private and confidential space where you can explore problem behaviour and address areas of your life that cause unhappiness. It can be beneficial to try a period of abstinence to assess which feelings and emotions come to the surface. When porn becomes a problem there can often be unresolved trauma, abuse, bereavement or attachment issues that need addressing. Porn usage can often be a form of avoidance. The work in therapy could be about releasing buried, and difficult feelings, so that you may tolerate feelings of discomfort in everyday life more easily. Therapy can also be a place to address shame scripts, the toxic messaging system surrounding sex which could have developed from early life.

Article updated 20th November 2018.