How is shame linked to conflict?
After conflict one may experience guilt, the result of statements or actions of experiencing guilt may be closely flowed by feelings of shame, which appears for some to be closely associated with guilt. After guilt or shame one may express conflicted behaviour. It appears to be a cycle that some people get drawn into and struggle to break away from.
Defensiveness almost breaks the cycle, temporarily though it may seem, defence mechanisms such as denial, rationalisation and projection come into play in an effort to reduce the pain of guilt and shame.
If one can begin to understand why they feel guilty about what they say or do they may have a chance to modify their views, beliefs and principles.
Recognition, acceptance and modification come at a price, attacks on the ego are painful, and an acceptance that someone else may actually be right and I may be wrong is difficult to accept. Hard work and self-reflection are the ingredients for successful change.
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