Dealing with the ending of a relationship
Breaking up with someone can feel like a major loss and, as with any grief process, it’s crucial to give yourself time to mourn the end of the relationship. When going through this, some people cry, get angry, lash out, become sad, or deny that the relationship is over. Sometimes we may be trying to do all of these at once.
It’s not unusual to have the negative voice in your head telling you that you really should be handling this better than you are. If you start telling yourself things like “I should be over him by now”, “I should be handling this better” or “I shouldn’t let this get to me”, that’s a sure sign that this voice is speaking to you.
At times like these, it’s important to remember that there is no “right” way to get over somebody. When the grief of a breakup is raw, it can be hard to accept, but unfortunately the only real way to deal with a breakup is... to deal with the breakup. Remind yourself that these feelings are a natural part of the healing process and allow yourself to feel whatever it is you feel whenever you feel it.
Instead of dealing with the current state of the relationship, it can be tempting to replay the past, looking for answers that can’t always be found, or mentally create future situations that allow us to (temporarily) escape the pain. However, escaping reality in this way forces us to stay stuck in an endless loop of pain and confusion, and prolongs the healing process. As much as you can bear it, try to stay present in the moment and allow the emotional wounds to heal naturally.
Yes, this can hurt. Sometimes a lot. But experiencing what you are going through is an important part of the healing process. No relationship break up, no matter how negative it may seem, can be considered a “failure” if you have grown because of the experience.
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About Andy Brett
My name is Andy Brett and I'm a qualified gestalt therapist living and working in Brighton. A registered member of the BACP, I work with a wide range of people to create change in their lives. If something in this article has resonated with you, feel free to get in touch and let me know. Visit http://relational-growth.co.uk to find out how.