Written by listed counsellor/psychotherapist: Carey West MBACP (snr Accred)
4th February, 2010
There are several ways to make a decision with another person – to resolve conflict:
1. WIN – LOSE
One person is right (or more persuasive or more tenacious or has more authority). This has its place in some relationships such as Parent/Child; Teacher/Student; Manager/Employee etc where authority and experience is imbalanced.
If this is not an age or position appropriate stance, and done with respect, the result can be that the “winner” wins without reference to the other party.
The “loser” can either become uncertain of their abilities (never trusting their own rights or judgement) or aggressive (usually passive aggressive), where they cannot “win” the argument by adult means, but resort to other behaviours which sabotage the decision
2. LOSE – LOSE
There is compromise between the parties.
This can be a useful outcome in the daily give and take of life.
But the down side can be a constant sense of dissatisfaction, where things are never quite right fully.
3. WIN – WIN
This is where the process leads to both parties being involved in the decision, committed to making it work, and willing to put effort into the end produce.
The WIN-WIN model is a very structured format, however the process allows for discussion, agreement and adaptation based on real life results, and therefore it is ultimately more flexible than the other two types.
“Good enough” for both parties.
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