Anxiety and relationships
Written by listed counsellor/psychotherapist: Kate Megase MBACP, Registered, Accredited Psychotherapist & Clinical Supervisor
30th October, 20160 Comments
Do you often feel anxious, on edge or constantly worrying about anything and everything?
If your answer is yes, then keep reading. Firstly, anxiety is a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome. If you find that your natural state is being anxious, then it is more likely that this emotion could be the result of past experiences or even picked up from your childhood.
Children, whose parent/s suffer from anxiety, are more likely to suffer from anxiety disorder. The reason behind this is that babies unconsciously mirror and reflect the moods of their parents. For example, if mum is constantly worried then the baby would pick up on her mood, since babies pick up on what they see and feel. So whatever their environment represents then that's what will define or contribute to their characteristics.
Consequently, later on in life the child may grow up to being naturally worrisome and fret about things that are trivial, this could further lead to adults entering into relationships that would cause them to be anxious and even if there is nothing to worry about, they may create situations or scenarios in their mind that will make them worried. In addition, they may begin to lose concentration when dealing with day-to-day stuff, such as, work, watching a movie, or even have problems sleeping.
No matter what the reason maybe, you could be addicted to drama, as this may be your natural state and can hinder the relationships by creating a distance between you and your spouse. This experience can be very unhealthy in the long term as it leads to other mental health issues such as panic attacks or anxiety disorder in more extreme cases.
How to stop being anxious in relationships:
1. Let go of controlling others
It is good to come to a realization that the only person that you can control within a relationship is yourself. The fact that you want to control another person indicates that you are not in control of yourself. I appreciate that you don't want anyone to mistreat you within a relationship and you want to figure out how you can control your spouse. The fact is you can't, even if you could track his whereabouts every second of the day, you would still feel insecure.
2. Take responsibility for your happiness
In order to a have a more positive relationship, you have to begin to take responsibility for your happiness and invest in yourself.
3. Focus on other areas of your life.
When you make a relationship the center of your universe, you will spend a lot of time thinking about it, in a way that you are subconsciously distracting yourself from yourself. If you cannot focus on work, over analytical, stressing over what your spouse is doing, why he did not call or respond to your messages. This can be very stressful and could make you feel insecure. It is better to focus on other areas of your life, to get the balance.
4. Enjoy your hobbies
The world is a big place and there are so many things that you can do, including starting a new hobby or interest. It is also important to learn to enjoy your own company.
5. Let your partner miss you
If your partner knows your every move, you are always predictable, and always available to her/him. Consequently, you could be subconsciously allowing her/him to take you for granted. Let her/him miss you sometimes.
About the author
I am a counsellor, coach and motivational speaker. I specialise in issues associated with relationships, anxiety, depression and low self-esteem.
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