Anxiety and our inner needs
Written by listed counsellor/psychotherapist: Monika Bassani MNCS
23rd November, 20170 Comments
To be able to leave our past behind, we need to look at the origin of human behaviour, ideas and feelings that are the innate or learned; the nature vs nurture debate. Nature is defined by inherited abilities and genes present at birth, and nurture is defined by behaviors acquired after birth from the influence of experience. Psychodynamic theories pay equal attention to the importance of the child’s early environment as promoting the foundation for later personality strengths or vulnerabilities. The enduring feeling of anxiety reflects on interpersonal relationships, erupting in feelings of anger and halting possible personal goal achievements. You react with anger or fear, then you quickly rationalise your behaviour so it makes sense. You may lose trust in the person or situation. You may lose courage or react in a way that could hurt your relationships in the future. The importance of any of those elements contributes to improving client self–esteem. The environment and genetics all play a role in influencing our present behaviour.
Those clients who experience anxiety hold a sensitive perception to awareness of their environment, and other people, and they also exposed to somatic reaction in the body, such as migraines, insomnia, eczema and gastroenterol symptoms. These biological traits are all related to an unacknowledged capacity in the anxious person to perceive environmental influences. Emotional triggers flare out during an anxious episode. This happens when the brain perceives a personal “threat”, for example if someone has taken important things away from you, such as acceptance, attention or being treated fairly. Consequentially the emotions are triggered and the whole spinning cycle starts all over again.
To begin to understand how the triggers are placed in motion, it is important to be aware of those expectations and those unmet needs. For example, experiences in life may have taught you that a successful achievement depends on maintaining control, establishing a safe environment and having people around you who appreciate your intellect and thriving aptitude. However, as you become attached to those needs, you learn how to look out for those validations, and failure to see the appearance of these supportive feedbacks, and the threats of lacking the ability to have these needs met, all become emotional triggers. Anxiety fits right in, as it snuggles its way through you mind and body without you consciously acknowledging it.
Once you have reached this arousing point we must assess the situation: are you really losing this need or not? Is the person actively denying your need or are you taking the situation too personally? Questioning oneself is a matter of strong discipline and at times can be daunting. To seek therapy is to reach out for the professional help of a counsellor, who will support you through your personal journey of inner understanding and recovery.
About the author
Monika is a qualified Integrative counsellor, a professional registered member with The National Counselling Society (NCS). Monika runs a private practice offering to meet the needs of individuals and couples. Monika works with depression, anxiety, narcissistic personality disorder, addiction behviours, abuse, and couples relationship issues.
Related articles from our experts
- Counselling. It's just talking isn't it?
Steve Neesam BA (Hons).23rd April, 2018
- Awkward and anxious
Marilyn McKenzie BSc, PGDip, MBACP18th April, 2018
- Acknowledging our difficulties can turn anger and anxiety into self-compassion
Alessio Rizzo, UKCP Accredited Psychotherapist, MA, MSc, MBACP16th April, 2018
Counselling Directory is not responsible for the articles published by members. The views expressed are those of the member who wrote the article.