A therapists journey through therapy
When I was 17, I found myself struggling. I had no idea of emotional well-being, my emotional intelligence was a 3/10 at best and I was not a happy person.
Alongside some very unhealthy behaviours, I lived a dark and difficult emotional life and didn’t quite understand that this wasn’t the only way. Happiness when it came was fleeting and even in those moments there was always a dark cloud hanging over the experience.
I later came to understand this as depression, although I never received a diagnosis.
Taking the next step into counselling for depression
When I first entered therapy I found it very difficult. How could I trust this woman in front of me with my secrets, when mistrust was part of my wounding? How could I receive her empathy when lack of understanding was part of my wounding too? I knew I needed to shed tears... a lot of them. And instinctively I knew that I needed someone to witness and support me through my pain. I had felt alone for a long time and I didn’t want to anymore.
So my first therapy relationship was about finding the courage to ask for help. I was young and this was as far as I would allow the journey.
My next therapy relationship, I learned to cry in front of another and allow them to be witness to my pain. This lasted a while and I felt sometimes lighter and sometimes darker after sessions. I thought that the tears were the end objective, a cathartic experience where I had to really ‘feel the pain’ of all my wounds. Although these tears did lead to some healing, I understood later that tears were not the only way. They were not the end objective.
When I trained to become a therapist I entered into the most healing of all my therapeutic relationships. I saw a body therapist for a long period of time which allowed a deepening of relationship, where wounds could come to the surface as we created enough safety through the years. Only then was I able to use the space to think and feel about my experiences, both in the past and the present. I could make sense of what had happened, I was able to question my current ways of coping and figure out what was no longer serving me. And most importantly I learned that another could accompany me on the healing journey, with compassion and empathy.
I found what I needed at each point in my life - a beginning, time to grieve and beyond that time to reflect, deepen and heal.
I learned to trust that healing was possible, that I could show up for myself and in this journey understood the importance of having walked the walk in order to offer the same to my clients. I can relate to the client as I was the client.
Therapy is something that can help us to move from a place of not coping, right through to surviving and thriving.
Therapy will always be an option to me, a place to be seen and heard. Not a place I go to because I am weak, but a place I go to BECAUSE I am strong and my vulnerability is my strength. A place I know will offer me a chance to take when I need. Of course choosing the right therapist is so important for the journey and I hope to be that person for the clients that need me when the time is right for them.
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About Sophie Spiegler
I offer one to one counselling for adults and have experience in working with many aspects of change: Family conflict, post natal depression, childhood trauma, abuse and neglect, emotional problems, dysfunctional family dynamics, self-harm and difficulties in romantic relationships. I am a trauma informed practitioner.… Read more
Located in Finchley.
Can also offer telephone / online appointments.
To book an appointment, please get in contact: