5 Quick Ways To Improve Your Relationship
4th May, 2010
Here are 5 simple steps to improving the quality and the quantity of your relationship:
1. Appreciations – take the time, daily, to share 5 things you appreciate about your partner. It's not something we're used to doing and it might feel uncomfortable to begin with but if you’re forced to tell your partner why and how they matter to you, you’ll stop that feeling of being taken for granted creeping into your relationship. It happens slowly over time, but the moment you realise that’s how you feel, it can lead to feelings of resentment. Stave off those feelings by reminding your partner what’s special about them. Do it regularly. It’s like making small deposits into the love bank, both of you are paying in so it doesn’t feel like one person is withdrawing all the credit while the other person is paying in all the deposits. If saying them to each other feels too weird to contemplate, try writing them down and exchanging them. That way they can be read in private…and also kept to refer back to later. Like a bank statement that’s actually worth reading!
2. Wishes, Hopes, Dreams – share them, regularly. It not only shows that you’re interested in your partner but it’s also an invitation to help your partner achieve those goals. You’ll get to know what’s important to them and because our wishes, hopes and dreams change often you’ll appreciate them as an evolving, growing person not a static 2D cut out.
3. New Information – ever feel like you’re the last know, or maybe your partner does. We often tell friends and family about changes in plans or circumstances and think we’ve also told our partner. Make the daily updates a ritual so that they know about the business trip…the boiler man coming…or that you arranged for Sainsbury’s to deliver on Tuesday evening.
4. Mysteries – Clear-up big or little mysteries before they become sources of jealousy and suspicion. Most mysteries have very simple explanations. Your partner woke up unusually early and crept out of the house? He had a breakfast meeting he forgot to tell you about and didn’t want to wake you. Just ask, don’t let it fester.
5. Complaints with requests for change – This is about getting into the habit of asking for what you do want rather than want you don’t. Describe a specific (that word is key…try not to be vague!) behaviour that’s bothering you and how you’d like it to be different. For instance – instead of yelling ‘I hate it when you’re late!’ say ‘Being on time is important to me, if you’re going to be late, please call me with as much notice as possible to tell me when you’re going to arrive. That way, I’m not left fuming and I can adjust my plans to accommodate the new time”.
Related articles from our experts
- Can couples counselling help you say what you really mean?
Fe Robinson UKCP, MBACP18th May, 2018
- Married to an addict?
Noel Bell MA, PG Dip Psych, UKCP15th May, 2018
- The presenting problem is you!
Fiona Brewin B.Sc Hons Reg Memb MBACP (Accred) UKATA BUPA10th May, 2018
Counselling Directory is not responsible for the articles published by members. The views expressed are those of the member who wrote the article.