Helping your teen build confidence: 7 tips for parents

Adolescence can be a challenging time for teens and nearly teenage children, as well as their parents. You want your teen to blossom and grow into an adult who feels confident in themselves and their abilities, but during their adolescence, your teen's self-esteem fluctuates. It's usually influenced by external pressures and internal doubts, neither of which you have any control over. 

When teens feel confident, they can contribute to class discussions, make and maintain friendships, learn new skills or start new hobbies. By helping them build their confidence, you're also giving them the ability to overcome the difficulties and challenges that are a part of life. 

If they are going to find the tools they need to build their confidence and thrive, they need patience, encouragement and understanding to help them flourish.

How to help teens build confidence

1. Encourage independence

A large part of adolescence is the transition towards independence. Your teen needs the chance to make their own decisions and the responsibility that comes with it. The way for them to learn this is through experience, both negative and positive. Give your teen the chance to figure out their goals and the steps they need to take to achieve them. Most importantly, let them know that you know they can do this. 

2. Support rather than fix

When you solve every little issue or complication for your teen rather than support them in finding solutions, they miss the chance to develop responsibility. They need to be given the autonomy to work things out themselves. This doesn't mean you step away entirely but that you let them know you are supporting them from a distance and are ready to offer help when and if they ask. 

3. Focus on the journey, not the destination

Help your teen focus on perseverance and hard work rather than just the end result. This will not only help them gain confidence in their abilities but also help them build resilience, allowing them to bounce back from setbacks.

4. Keep realistic goals

When your teen sets achievable and measurable goals, they're more likely to be aligned with their interests and strengths, and it's easier for them to stay focused on them. It's important to help them recognise and celebrate the small wins they achieve along the way to reinforce the progress they're making. 

5. Let them take risks

Encouraging them to step out of their comfort zone by trying new sports or hobbies or expanding their social settings boosts their self-confidence. By taking calculated risks, they get to flex the all-important risk-taking inclination adolescents have, which helps them better handle setbacks and trust themselves and their abilities.

6. Make self-talk realistic and positive

The way we talk to ourselves is powerful. When you notice your teens being critical or overly harsh on themselves, encourage them to shift to a more realistic, positive mindset. With a shift in perspective, it's easier to see challenges as opportunities for growth rather than personal failings. 

7. Model confidence

The most effective way to boost your teen's confidence is to show them what being confident looks like. Your teens are watching you to learn how to be an adult. You can show them how to handle challenges by confidently managing the tricky situations you face, emphasising the importance of self-belief, even when things don't go as planned. 

Of course, when teens feel secure and accepted, they are more likely to feel confident about exploring their identities and interests. As their parent, you play a crucial role in shaping your teen's confidence. By offering guidance, modelling self-assurance and creating a supportive environment, they will be able to face life's challenges with resilience and a belief in their own abilities. 

Parenting during your child's adolescence is not always easy and can feel complicated and overwhelming. Seeking professional help, like counselling for parents, can boost your confidence. And when you feel confident in your abilities, you can help your teen feel confident too.