Relationship Issues ~ Loss of a relationship ~ The initial attraction
All relationships, whether friendships or partnerships, go through various stages and at this time of year perhaps more than any other time (except for Christmas) both couples and newly separated singles want advice on either how to solve problems in their relationships or how to get over a break up.
There are many things that can contribute to a break up these, these range from lack of communication, loss of belief in the relationship, commitment phobia and infidelity. Often stress such as changes in finance or change of career can leave one or the other partners with unspoken resentments or even anger.
The most important thing is to take stock of which stage the relationship is at.
At the very beginning of a relationship when the initial attraction begins a chemical called oxytocin is released into the blood stream and this gives a feeling of euphoria, this is when partners feel an intense attraction, want to be together all the time and believe that no one else has ever felt this way. However if any major decisions such as moving in together or marriage are made at this time they can lead to problems in the future because eventually the chemical wears off and if couples haven’t really talked about what they expect from a relationship insecurities and resentments can arise.
Because the people involved don’t really know one another they are just almost riding on a high. The very best long term relationships are always based on communication and a mutual respect for each partner. That’s why counselling can be helpful in order to establish problems when they initially appear. Not necessarily because there is anything wrong with the relationship but just so that boundaries and plans for the future can be established at the beginning.
Often once the chemical wears off problems such as commitment phobias will become apparent and if one or the other partner just backs off it can leave the person left behind very bewildered and confused. This is not necessarily the end of the relationship but the commitment phobia needs to be explored and worked through.
Related articles from our experts
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- Relationships: debunking the myth of finding ‘the one’
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- Life events, trauma and sex
Edmond Oreilly MA MSc BACP Senior Accred.29th November, 2016
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