Louise Gulley

Individual & Couples Counsellor 

I provide counselling and psychotherapy for both individuals and couples. Our work usually involves helping you understand yourself more clearly and deeply (as well as your partner if you’re coming as a couple). Finding out why something is happening is usually the first step towards finding out how to do things differently. 

Individual counselling: 

I have worked with and continue to work with a variety of issues, from anxiety and depression to low self esteem and trauma. In particular I have done a lot of work with relationships. I have a special interest in understanding why people have the kinds of relationships they do, and why they might have struggled to find or be in a relationship.

I work at creating a robust relationship with you, perhaps one that you’ve not had before, where you don’t have to be someone else or look after anyone, but where there’s space for you to discover who you are and what you truly want. This kind of environment seems to give people the opportunity to think and say what has been unthinkable and unsayable, and in being able to put this into words, there is often a great deal of relief. 

Couples counselling: 

In my work with couples I am here for both of you, or more pertinently, for your relationship. I’m not here to point fingers. My job is to help you uncover the role you have both played in creating your current relationship; and to make conscious what has been going on behind then scenes, for example, understanding why you can’t have that conversation without it spiralling into an argument). The idea is that once we understand what the argument is really about, rather than focusing purely on, for example, your communication style, then underlying issues can then be worked through, and then ideally the dynamic of your relationship is changed to one that is helpful to both of you. Sometimes this does also include thinking about how you communicate and how it is received. 

I aim to work with you both to improve your relationship; although in some cases I also help facilitate a separation. If this is the case, then the aim is to do so with a great deal of thought and care and in a way that ideally informs how you manage new relationships going forward.

How I work, and what you can expect from me: 

The first time we meet I’ll be asking you what you want to change as a result of us working together, and from this moment on I see it as my job to understand, question, and deepen this conversation to ensure we’re heading in the right direction from the off. It is then my job to hold in mind your goals, and to help you to get there. 

I can be both gentle and tender, as well as direct. I tend to adjust as to what I think will help you hear what I’m telling you. 

I’m not just a listening ear; although this is of course a big part of it. 

I’m keen to engage with you, and for you to feel both cared for and challenged.

You can’t keep doing what you were doing and expect a different outcome. This is a mantra you’ve probably heard in one form or another that speaks to the wish most of us have to not have to change if we can really help it. I think it explains why inevitably there is a need for some form of challenge in our work together, ie that our relationship is not just about me comforting you, but also about working with what makes it difficult for you to change. So I may well tell you things that others have hesitated telling you; although of course this is done with kindness and a plan in mind. 

Here are SOME examples of the issues I specialise in:

- Never had a romantic or sexual relationship; dating difficulties, trauma from previous relationships, relationship anxiety, chronic relationship problems, couples in crisis. 

Starting therapy:

The first session is about understanding what brings you to therapy. It is an opportunity for you to tell me exactly what is troubling you in as much detail as you find comfortable. It can feel like you're 'downloading' to me. We will also talk about what you can expect from the process. You are encouraged to voice any anxieties and questions you have about the process. 

The second session is where I take a complete history of you. I will ask you about your prior therapy, childhood, key relationships etc. This will give me a context in which to understand you. We will also discuss and agree on our therapeutic goals together. 

I will take notes in both the first and second sessions as this is something I will refer back to.

In following sessions you'll usually be invited to talk about whatever is on your mind and I will be there to listen and help you make sense of your thoughts and feelings and guide you towards your goals. 

Face-to-Face Individual Therapy & Online Therapy

Individual Therapy (Online & Sevenoaks Practice): £75.00 - £90.00 per session; although sliding scale available so do get in touch. 

Each session will last 50 minutes.

Couples Therapy (Online & Sevenoaks Practice): £120.00 per session. 

Each session will last 70 minutes.