Guy Turton

Considering counselling is not easy.  Choosing a counsellor is not easy.  I appreciate that considering this first step is a big deal.  But I also remember what it was like telling my story to a therapist and turning up for a first session.....My experience in therapy informs my understanding and accepting approach to being alongside you in sessions. (For Couples please go to the end of this section)

You might be feeling, Anxious, Sad, Depressed, Lonely, Uncertain, Overwhelmed, struggling in or out of Relationships & Family, or just not feeling great.    You may have an idea why or you may not be sure.

Counselling with Guy can help to

     -Explore and increase  your range of Thoughts and Ideas

     -Explore, understand and access Feelings

     -Consider and understand existing Behaviours and Patterns

     -Bring new awareness to yourself, your body and your Relationships

     -Help you develop and access your (existing) inner resources and confidence

     -Develop Resilience, Understanding and a range of freedom of choice

What can you expect?

I will be aware this is your first session.  I offer patience and understanding, in a confidential, safe secure, purpose built, detached building. You are an individual and I treat you as such. We can work on a specific issue, ranging from short term work, advice or discussion on a specific problem to longer term exploring wider deeper issues.  We would work at a pace that is guided by your readiness, comfort, and current position.

The first step is an initial meeting between us

I offer 50 minute initial session where we can meet for the first time,  I can listen to your story and you can ask any questions. I might ask you to expand on a few things. Then we can see how we feel at the end of the session.   If you are still uncertain then we can meet for a second time, or I can suggest another counsellor to help you. I want to ensure that you find the best person to help you, even if that is not me.

Who can come to Counselling?

I work with individuals, couples,  (or any sort of couple or family pairs eg father and son or mother and daughter or work colleagues ie not just traditional hetero marriage couples). I also run groups for men and mixed groups

Ongoing sessions

If we decide to meet regularly then sessions last 50 minutes and cost from £70  We can meet at a regular time each week or I have some degree of flexibility if your schedule needs it


What sort of Counsellor/Counselling approach should you expect from me?

I Listen. Listening can in itself be surprising, and helpful. Perhaps this might be the first time that someone has listened to you properly?  I offer an equal, human, accepting, interested way of working.   However after we've got to know each other then I might also challenge you.   Sometimes a particular way a counsellor works may not be the most helpful way for you.

My 'Integrative' approach means that I have been trained to be aware of several different ways of working.   Therefore I am able to adapt my approach according to how our sessions are going and most importantly according to you as an individual.

How is talking to a therapist different from to talking to a friend?

Therapy helps each person in a different way.   No two people are the same.   If you ask a friend for help they may listen for a while but then (whilst meaning to help) they may then prescribe a solution. "What you need to do is this or that!".   Prescribing a solution may inadvertently shut down your opportunity to explore all of your options/feelings/impacts.   If you go back to the friend later with the same worries then they may listen for a shorter time and then say "I thought I told you to do this!".   A friend is doing this because the feelings provoked in them by your story are too  much for the friend to bear, so they stop the process by offering solutions.

A therapist is trained to offer something different than the above scenario...perhaps we could say "to tolerate not having an immediate solution or to tolerate not knowing", but to keep on listening as you explore your sometimes uncertain/sometimes certain thoughts and feelings and options


How does talking to a therapist actually help?

Well....this one is kind of hard to explain but one way of the many possible ways of describing this would be to say that "by working on (ie talking about) your inner world (ie our thoughts, feelings, emotions, fears, concerns, history, present etc) and as a result understanding your reactions and choices, the outer world (ie job, life, relationships, stress levels, hopes or hopelessness, issues of importance) will take care of itself.......

Counsellors understand that it it "the Relationship" between you and I that creates the change and growth.   But what does this actually mean in simple terms?  It means that you get to try things out, and explore thoughts and feelings in the company of another.   It is this shared exploration instead of being on your own that makes the difference.    Many of our original emotional wounds were created 'in Relationship' (ie with parents, caregivers, peers, teachers etc), so to work through and resolve them also needs to be done in the company of another

A Real world indicator of Growth/Progress/Greater understanding?

You may find yourself in a situation where in the past you would have behaved one way, but this time you behave,think and feel differently. This is one way to show that therapy has helped. You may only realise this after the event. It can be suprising, liberating, exciting (and maybe a little bit scary because its new)

INFORMATION FOR COUPLES

Being in Relationships is the most difficult thing you will ever do and its the thing we have the least training in.  So the gap between expections (fairy tales and Hollywood) and Reality (Work, effort, struggle, ups and downs, good and bad) is huge.      

I appreciate that talking about your Relationship with someone you don’t yet know is hard and that you might not both want to be there.  I follow the Emotionally Focussed Model of Couples Counselling. (EFT)

You may want help separating or overcoming a shock to your relationship or more commonly there is something wrong and you aren’t 100% sure what it is and what to do about it.   My approach is that together we  work to enable you to reconnect (this is even more  important in separation scenarios with children where communication needs actually increase post separation) . 

 A key part of this process is understanding “The Cycle” or “Pattern” or “Dance” that is co-created by you both.  “The Cycle” is the default/habitual pattern the relationship/both of you fall into when under pressure (when your connection to each other is under threat). “The Cycle” is your joint enemy, not your partner. 

The EFT is a semi structured model that includes reference to 1) our early attachments, 2) to how (sometimes unconscious) feelings drive behaviour, 3)  has the idea of a withdrawer and pursuer (both are different ways of safeguarding the relationship) and is 4) more of a “Bottom Up” type of approach including the body (where feelings are as important as thoughts)

In order to do this we need to consider the following in your Relationship

How you process and understand emotion individually and together (Do you purposely validate or accidentally invalidate feelings in the other?)                                                                            
How you interact with each other (Finding a balance between emotion/feelings and logic/thoughts)
Patterns you are aware of and patterns you may not be aware of  (eg How do you handle the balance of personal responsibility? How is Power & Control functioning in your Relationship?)
Why these patterns make sense/are helpful and also how these patterns could be unhelpful/don’t make sense  (I need to move away to look after myself but I realise that means we can’t solve something if i’m not there)
How you Communicate (eg Use of words like ‘you’ , ‘never’ & ‘always’)
How you understand and handle vulnerability.  (Vulnerability is taking a risk to say how you really feel and what you really think, particularly if you are unsure and things are messy in a particular moment)
How you and your parents interacted and what conscious and unconscious messages you picked up as a result of this (eg We didn’t talk about feelings. Or If I spoke my truth I got into trouble so I learnt not to)
So during a First Session we can talk about your expectations, a bit more about how I work, and practical issues, like time, cost and regularity. We can discuss if having a session each on your own would be of benefit. 

After a few sessions we would then discuss your experience so far and your expectations going forwards.  Six sessions onwards is a good idea to get an idea how things really work and what the next steps would need to be for your Relationship

Relationship counselling doesn’t just need to be for gay or hetero couples in romantic relationship  who are experiencing issues.  It can be for any two adults eg mother and daughter or father and son or siblings or for work colleagues.  It can also be for couples wanting help to separate in the best way possible for the sake of themselves and/or their children. Or for new couples who want to do preventative/understanding type of work

www.counsellinginoxford.com

Please contact me for advice or help or simply come along for a chat

I work with Adults and Couples and Teenagers aged 16 & 17. Couples can be together or separating or can be father and son or mother and daughter (ie not just couples in romantic relationship)

I am particularly interested in the challenges facing men of any age as they try to find out who they really are, and about masculinity in general. How do we define ourselves as Men? Is it ok to be emotional?

Making a relationship work, Being a father, Spirituality, our own relationship with our bodies, and the experience of adult orphans are further areas of interest.

I also have interest in working with the adult survivors of parents with Narcissistic Personalities, and the impact of Shame and Guilt

£70 to £90 range for a 50 minute session for individuals

£80-£115 for couples depending on session length (50 to 90 minutes)

As I work from my own separate purpose built space I can be flexible with session times ie you don't need to come at the same time for each session

To make an appointment you can either:

• telephone: 07982 841 829 (If leaving a message please ensure you leave your telephone  number as part of the  message - as if i'm out signal area, I can't deduce your number from my phone)
• Text or Whatsapp me on the above number
• email me using the Red "Email Me" button at the top of my profile

I may not always be able to pick up if you ring, so please do leave a message. Even if you simply say "Ring me back"

I will get back to you as soon as I am available (within 24 hours).