Do You Make These Mistakes When Handling Criticism?

July 20th, 2010

Criticism. Weve all been on the receiving end of itsometimes, weve even sought out feedback because we knew we needed to improve on something and then felt devastated once weve heard it. So, how can we process negative feedback better?

Firstly, its important to remember that criticism relates to a specific behaviour, its not an attack on you as a person. So while it may sting to hear something less than glowing about your behaviour, its helpful to hold in mind that the negative feedback is not about the very core of your being. Once the initial shock of the negative feedback has dissipated, it might be helpful to ask for some more precise feedback so the comment youre very sloppy may actually just mean that you make grammatical errors in your emails and is not a comment on how you present yourself at work.

Engage with the person whos offering the criticism, it will help you feel like youre part of a two-way conversation. Its far more empowering than just sitting there feeling overwhelmed and it will help you regain some control over the situation. Questions like do you think I did such-and-such? or how could I have handled that situation differently will help you to turn the conversation around into a learning experience and at the very least, allow you to leave the conversation knowing you handled the situation with some grace.

If youre feeling very grown-up and magnanimous, you can take things one step further and acknowledge how difficult it is to offer criticism. If youve ever headed up a team or had to run appraisals, youll be familiar with how hard it can be to offer less than flattering words. A comment like I know this is as difficult for you as it is for me can be a very smart move, it shows empathy and allows you to be the person who makes both of you feel better! Its going to be hard for you to come away with anything positive if all you can manage to do is weep into a disintegrating tissue, so keep in mind that much of the time criticism isnt designed to hurt you, its usually meant with your best interest at heart.

So, now that youve accepted the criticism with good grace, what do you do next? Id say pop out for a coffee or a walk around the block before going back to your desk. Give yourself some time to process what youve just heard so that you can decide what youd like to do with the information. If youre giving the negative feedback, suggest to the other person that they might want to do that and offer them the chance to schedule a follow up meeting if theyd like. You might want to take it on board or you might decide it was unfair and you want to schedule another meeting with you boss to chat about it further. When its constructive, criticism can be much beneficial than bland platitudes and it also shows that the person offering it cares enough about your growth to share the feedback with you.

Here are a few take-away tips for your next appraisal:

* Try not to cry, youll feel like youre losing control.
* Dont feel under pressure to give an immediate response. If you can buy yourself a few minutes to process the news, youll be in a better position to respond in a way that contributes to your growth.
* Always try to remember that its a behaviour thats being criticised, not the whole you.
* Learn to distinguish valid feedback from throwaway remarks and shrug off the latter.
* Be big enough to acknowledge valid criticism that you receive. There something satisfying about being able to say Youre right, thanks for mentioning it!