You're there for all your friends but who is there for you?
Written by listed counsellor/psychotherapist: Morgan Horton, Dip. Couns. MBACP
7th October, 20150 Comments
You take care of everyone else's needs. It is your role in your family, your friendships and perhaps even your workplace. If somebody needs something, they turn to you. You know exactly how to be a good friend to others; it's your role and you're good at it.
So what happens when you need someone to be there for you? Is there another person in your life who is also good at this role? Perhaps not. You have become so good at taking care of others needs that you barely know what you're own needs are anymore; let alone find time to take care of them.
Relationships are not always balanced. Not everyone has someone in their life who they can talk to about their feelings and needs safely and without repercussions.
Often, people become so good at nurturing others, that when they do talk about their own 'stuff', somewhere in the mix they become the one doing the listening again.
It can be hard to be vulnerable with others, especially when you are used to you being the 'strong' one. You end up leaving feeling just as burdened and confused.
You might find yourself taking care of others because it is easier than taking care of and regulating your own emotions. If this is the case, you can find yourself surrounded by people who have a lot of drama in their life, are extremely draining, or perhaps even abusive.
If this is you, you might find it helpful to explore who you are in relationships and find ways to create a healthier balance. It can be really useful to take some time to reflect. Taking care of yourself when times are tough can also be very helpful.
Some tips for taking care of you:
- Take up a hobby you enjoy or rekindle an old one.
- Exercise (this is one of my own favourite outlets).
- Join a class.
- Book a massage/sports massage/beauty treatment or spa day (another firm favourite).
- Join a support group.
- Journal how you are feeling.
About the author
Morgan is a qualified counsellor and registered member of the BACP. Morgan is experienced in working with a range of issues but in particular, relationships issues, stress and anxiety.
Related articles from our experts
- What is codependency?
Gherardo Della Marta MBACP counsellor in Holborn, Camden and Queens Park23rd April, 2017
- Toxic mums - healing the wounds in adulthood
Saska Plowman Psychotherapeutic Counsellor (Integrative) RMBACP21st April, 2017
- Grieving the loss of a friendship
Una Cavanagh MBACP (Accred)20th April, 2017
Counselling Directory is not responsible for the articles published by members. The views expressed are those of the member who wrote the article.