Three Good Reasons Not To Have Counselling
6th February, 20140 Comments
1. What About The Cost?
Have you heard the saying about some people that they ‘know the cost of everything, but the value of nothing’?
Counselling is like that. People understand the cost, but not the value. What is the value of:
- not getting a divorce?
- of living a happy, fulfilled and productive life?
- not being depressed or stressed?
- feeling secure and having good self esteem or self confidence?
- more fun and laughter, better and closer relationships?
- being motivated and resilient?
What value do you put on that? What is the cost to you, in your life, of not learning or enjoying these benefits? What is the value to the other people in your life?
Counselling helps you deal with a crisis and gives lasting, life long benefits.
Challenge yourself. If you are not happy to sign up for open ended counselling, negotiate with your therapist for a block of sessions at a time. Or look for a brief solution focussed therapist or coach. You could try self help or investigate online counselling.
2. I don’t see how therapy can help me.
This is harder to answer because you are not buying a product that you can pick up and feel the quality of. You are putting your trust in someone to be non judgemental, kind and professional. You want them to understand and help you change some aspect of how you feel about yourself or your life, when you may not even be sure yourself about what is wrong and have no idea what to do about it. A much more difficult thing to do.
Counselling works by recognising and then interrupting old patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving. Combined with coaching it also gives you a forward motion, along with new tools and techniques that you can use now, and in the future, and achieve long lasting benefits to your life.
You are probably torn between the familiarity of how things are now, the discomfort of where you are and the hope or possibility that things can change and be different. Usually life becomes very uncomfortable indeed before someone gets help. Don’t wait until things get worse and your life has completely fallen apart.
Challenge yourself. Speak to several therapists and go with the one you feel suits you best. Each counsellor has their own personality and differing approaches so don’t be put off if the first one isn’t right for you.
Counsellors are very happy for you to do this and are used to people ‘checking them out’.
3. Feel like you are a failure
This the big one.
Have you ever felt:
- being emotional is being weak
- feeling unable to cope with life means that you are a failure
- needing help is humiliating
- just get on with it and hope it will go away
- no-one can help you anyway
- this is just the way I am
All of these ideas are beliefs, not fact.
These beliefs make you feel ashamed when you are not coping very well. As shame acts to paralyse you, you will not be able to get the help and support you need when you are feeling overwhelmed or stuck.
We all need help and support at some point in our lives. I know from my own personal and professional experience that it is often impossible to shift and be different unless you get help and support to move out of old patterns and beliefs and learn new ways of being.
Challenge yourself. Recognise that lots of people can and do get therapeutic help that is transformational. You have not failed, but your old strategies and ways of coping are no longer useful and you need to learn new ways that are more beneficial to you in your life now.
Related articles from our experts
Dr Alexander Fox-Choice Counselling at Harley StreetDecember 26th, 2017
Merri Mayers MBACPJanuary 13th, 2018
Graeme Orr MBACP(Accred), UKRCP Reg. Ind. CounsellorJanuary 18th, 2018
Imi Lo: Psychotherapist, Art Therapist, Coach, Supervisor (MMH,UKCP,HCPC,MBPsS)March 29th, 2015
Andrea Harrn Psychotherapist and Author of The Mood CardsMay 13th, 2011
Keeley Townsend BA (Hons), Ad.Dip.CP with Distinction, MNCS (Acc)December 14th, 2009
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