The worth struggle
I have decided to write about this topic because I seem to be seeing and hearing examples of it often as of late, I have seen it as a sign that the topic may need some attention. To me it is an insight into an aspect of the collective consciousness and thus an opportunity for some kind of awareness evolution and healing to take place.
The put-down relationship with self
This can be seen both externally and no doubt felt internally. It speaks of self-worth and how the internal relationship that you have with yourself can manifest, for example some comments I have overheard people say this week about themselves are:
- “I am old.”
- “I am stupid.”
- “I am inadequate.”
- “I am too fat for that.”
The power of intention
Our conscious intentions of our words are not always suited to the unconscious intention we are actually creating energy wise, therefore this is something to be aware of. When you say certain things about yourself what are you actually creating and attracting? We often don’t pay as much attention as we should to the words we use. Everything in this world carries energy; therefore this is also true for words and how we use them.
The relationship with yourself also encompasses who you are and how you view yourself. We are so good at concentrating on our own faults and faults in others, that often we neglect the positive aspects, particularly to do with ourselves. If we view our words as carrying a bit more weight, as something that counts, then perhaps we can thoughtfully think about who you are in your greatest version.
Question, does the negative things you say to yourself outweigh the positive?
The put-down relationship you have with yourself does not serve your highest good, so why incorporate it into your life and vocabulary.
I am sure most will agree that it feels great to feel good about yourself but also what is not spoken about so often is that feeling bad about ourselves can also feel good. It relates to aspects of the victim role and the way in which we repeat patterns that had the purpose of teaching us something but we have not yet been able to let go of the experience, we have grown attached to it. This attachment relates to the ego and how it creates its identity through experiences, desperately trying to seek who it is. It is possible to sometimes hold onto the experience that was supposed to show you who you were not in order to then show you who you are.
Also to add, sometimes we are so used to creating ourselves through other people and things that we forget that we create ourselves internally. We have the ability to praise ourselves instead of relying on others to compliment us and in actual fact what we think about ourselves is what really matters. Someone else can tell you how amazing you are until they are blue in the face but it means nothing if you don’t believe it yourself.
The one who is always apologetic
Another thing I have noticed which incorporates into how one puts themself down is “the apologetic person” the one who apologises even when he or she is not at fault. Sometimes this can be related to confidence and self-worth, the uncertainty about your very existence.
If something goes wrong the one who is always apologetic has a willingness to accept blame and fault even when it is not theirs. I have heard this week someone say “I am so sorry, I am so incompetent.” By not accepting that she and her work are good enough how it is, this person is currently devaluing her existence and causing herself stress. Energy has begun to build up in her upper back and shoulders which when looked at from a mind-body duality usually occur when someone takes on too much. It is as though she is literally carrying a heavy load on her shoulders, which to me is unnecessary energy in the form of a false belief about her that there is a load to carry to compensate for what she believes she is not but should be.
This lack of self-worth can tie into a belief about yourself of “not being good enough” there is a concept in psychotherapy that incorporates this as a feature of the relationship that one might have with themselves. Throughout my training I have noticed the emphasis and importance of feeling you are good enough. This started first, as a ‘trainee therapist’ and beginning to believe I was a good enough therapist, that I was good enough just how I was, my very presence in the room was enough. Once this could be worked on within myself it was only then that I too could assist clients with developing the same attitude within them. It is forming the belief that you are enough as you are, your very existence is enough, and you do not have to be anything other than what you are and in reality, this is all you can be.
What does it mean to be or feel good enough?
It means that you are fine just the way you are, I like to promote the idea that there is no right or wrong, only truth and balance. You are what you are. Of course you are always free to update yourself but you are always fine just the way you are. I know to some it may not always feel like this but there is something about accepting where you are that creates an acceptance of self and also allows an opportunity for you to develop, as you are no longer trying to avoid or deny certain aspects of yourself. I am also aware that the way you treat yourself, sets the standard for how you invite others to treat you.
It is my hope that I have given you an insight into ‘the worth struggle” that may or may not exist inside of you and/or others around you. “When awareness is raised, it better equips you to develop and grow.“
Related articles from our experts
- Volunteering and well-being
Fiona Foster MBACP (Accredited) Counselling Individuals and Couples23rd December, 2016
- Inner child therapy
Allswell Counselling - Joy Christopher Reg.MBACP. MIC. LLHAY.cert.6th December, 2016
- Do you hide yourself in shame?
Dr. Kate Potter, Chartered Counselling Psychologist18th November, 2016
- The media and self-esteem
Dr Alexander Hektorsson (Chartered Psychologist)11th January, 2017
- Develop a healthy self-esteem
Anna Dallavalle, Fd Couns, Relate Cert, MBACP (Accred)9th January, 2017
- Accepting anger
Chris Mounsher PG Dip, MBACP8th January, 2017
Counselling Directory is not responsible for the articles published by members. The views expressed are those of the member who wrote the article.