The rollercoaster ride of trust in relationships
Written by listed counsellor/psychotherapist: Davinder Kaur Dhariwal
17th May, 20130 Comments
At various junctures in your relationship, you may find that the trust you share with your partner changes or is questioned. So, how do you work with this? To 'work' on building and maintaining trust is important; we should not expect it to be automatic and always present in a relationship. There are various times when we question the trust factor in our relationship. We all have our ups and downs where we head towards uncertainty or towards stability.
The common saying regarding trust "being earned" is not something that is applicable here. Trust needs to develop within the relationship, but you should feel like you have to prove it to the other from time to time. It is something that grows within a relationship, and will continue to do so throughout the relationship.
Where does trust lie with you? Sometimes we may question the level of trust within a relationship - however, it may not be the relationship we are questioning but our own selves and our willingness to trust ourselves as well as the other in the relationship. Relationships can end or become unstable when we transfer the trust issues within ourselves to our relationship. It is good to therefore assess where the doubt around trust is coming from.
One of the best ways to deal with trust issues is to communicate! If you have an understanding partner, you should be able to be open with them about any doubt in your mind and work through it (though this may be compounded should your doubt prove to be correct). Sometimes we need to do this for ourselves, and work through and take ownership of any baggage we carry around trust due to early experiences.
Another way to deal with the trust is to take responsibility. Responsibility lies in two areas:
- Individual responsibility: we look at ourselves and our development to identify any issues which need to be worked on or processed.
- Joint responsibility: the direction of your relationship rollercoaster is in the hands of both of you, and you need to ensure you play your part!
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