The paradox of intimacy and sexuality

We take a look into the very aspects of what makes a relationship fulfilling, might be what is dulling our sex lives.

Safety, reliability, predictability, knowing one's partner all make a great relationship: a relationship where both feel safe, supported and loved. We all seek the moment in our relationship where we know our loved one, we feel safe with them because we know what they're thinking and what they're going to do next. We can be vulnerable with our loved one because we trust them and we know that they care.

But, in comparison we often desire to be taken to the edge during sex. We want novelty, mystery, the unexpected, to be taken to the unknown. In the beginning of the relationship we do not know what to expect, we are taken by surprise, we experiment and try new and exciting things.

After a couple of years together, our desires still want to be fulfilled, and taken by surprise; we want the unpredictable, spontaneity, excitement, but when sex is spontaneous we still know what's next because we know our partner.

With a little work, we can find the balance to ensure we enjoy sex with our partner and remain intimately close. We need to understand that there is nothing wrong in asking for sex, planning sex dates and talking about sex. Sex is not only great when it’s spontaneous, it needs effort and communication.