Self Confidence - Confidentially
Written by listed counsellor/psychotherapist: Graeme Orr MBACP(Accred), UKRCP Reg. Ind. Counsellor
6th March, 20130 Comments
Many people lack self-confidence and are searching for the key that one illusive thing they can do to switch on their self-confidence. In reality though, confidence is not a single thing you can switch on and off at will. It is also true to say that we are all confident in some areas of our life and lack confidence in other areas.
Many people worry that they can’t find a partner or their prospects of promotion at work will be affected. It comes as a big surprise then to learn that even confident people around you are not confident. Many stars of stage and screen despite appearances to the contrary suffer stage fright even being physically sick with worry that they can’t or won’t perform well.
So what makes them able to go on to be that confident performer? Well in part it is experience just practicing going through that barrier that you fear. We all gain confidence through experience. If you think about learning to ride a bike at first the rider wobbles a lot and perhaps falls a few times, but with practice their confidence and skill builds until they can cycle anywhere.
So if there isn’t a switch how do you become more confident?
This seems strange at first but practice being confident – look and act as a confident person would. Smile and act friendly ask people how they are. People will see you as approachable and will treat you as such.
Silence your inner critic
We all have that little voice in our heads running ourselves down. You’re not good enough, pretty enough, clever enough. Well enough is enough stop taking the advice that has held you back for so long. Stand up and walk out of your history into a future where you’re doing the best you can and if that’s not good enough well tough. Don’t spend another minute in that negative talk.
Don’t run yourself down
If you put a small price on yourself, rest assured no-one is going to raise it. So don’t run yourself down, for if you tell others that you are no good, they might just believe it. Talk about your successes (yes you have some) your hopes and your dreams. You know that there is a person in there who wants to be seen and heard, so do what you can with what you have wherever you are.
Be consistent, be kind to yourself
We often judge ourselves by far harsher standards that the rest of the world so at least be consistent if you would have said well done to someone else say well done to yourself. We all make mistakes so learn from them and move on and forward, don’t beat yourself up about them.
Spend time with people who care
This is a really difficult change you are trying to bring about so you need support. You may have a confidant or family or friends or you may turn to a counsellor. Get someone who is honest with you, who is reliable and will support you through the changes.
You can be more self-confident but you have to challenge yourself, you have to push forward and believe in yourself. You may have to change habits, friends or both, but with support everyone can do it and live a life that they are more comfortable with.
Related articles from our experts
- From perfectionism to being happy being "good enough"
Karin Brauner (Spanish/English) MBACP, MBPS16th June, 2017
- Proven tips to better self-esteem
Graeme Orr MBACP(Accred), UKRCP Reg. Ind. Counsellor1st June, 2017
- Am I good enough?
Lorraine Green, MBACP (Reg)23rd May, 2017
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