Love, loss and learning about ourselves
Some of us may be looking for that special Valentines card reflecting the warm, fuzzy feelings we are experiencing in our special relationship. But if our heart has been broken into a million pieces we may be feeling pretty chilly and perhaps a little bit anxious and uncertain about ourselves. Perhaps we feel we need a distraction to help take our minds off our feelings of rejection or abandonment. Moving into another relationship may be one way to try and recapture those warm, fuzzy feelings. More often hurt emotions need time to adjust and heal.
It can be difficult to deal with rejection. Such intensity of feelings often depends on the strength and depth of the relationship. Yet there are steps we can take when we find that the love of our life no longer wants us in their life. We can write a letter expressing how we feel - whether we decide to send it is our choice. We may decide on a cooling off period and desist from texting, phoning or going on social media. We may need to reflect on why we feel the need (if we do) to continue finding ways to communicate when the other person has requested no contact. Such action may trigger an unwelcome feeling of anxiety which may worsen our emotional well-being.
In order to get some perspective on our emotions it can be useful to talk to someone about how we feel. Blaming ourselves or others is rarely helpful and doesn't get us very far. But reflecting on what has led to the situation and what can be done to prevent it from happening again can be very productive.
An effective therapist can help identify where things have gone awry. It can also be uplifting to reflect on the positive differences the other person has made to our lives. Acknowledging painful emotions is healthy too - endings are often difficult but it is important to learn that we can have good endings. By doing so, we can become stronger in ourselves. We learn to deal with our emotions in a way which is beneficial to ourselves.
Miscommunication is often at the root of relationship breakdown. In the safety of therapy we have an opportunity to discover how we can change the way we interact with others. Mending a broken heart can be a difficult process and can often feel frustrating and exhausting. But armed with this new self knowledge we can learn to experience healthy relationships once again.
About the author
I am a qualified and experienced counsellor offering a professional and confidential service to those want to improve their emotional well-being. My empathetic and supportive approach can help clients make sense of their place in the world and by doing so, approach the future with renewed confidence, self-belief and inner strength.
Related articles from our experts
Dr Alexander Fox-Choice Counselling at Harley StreetDecember 26th, 2017
Merri Mayers MBACPJanuary 13th, 2018
Graeme Orr MBACP(Accred), UKRCP Reg. Ind. CounsellorJanuary 18th, 2018
Imi Lo: Psychotherapist, Art Therapist, Coach, Supervisor (MMH,UKCP,HCPC,MBPsS)March 29th, 2015
Andrea Harrn Psychotherapist and Author of The Mood CardsMay 13th, 2011
Keeley Townsend BA (Hons), Ad.Dip.CP with Distinction, MNCS (Acc)December 14th, 2009
Counselling Directory is not responsible for the articles published by members. The views expressed are those of the member who wrote the article.