How To Delusion-Proof Your New Relationship
You're dating...it's new and exciting. You're being taken to smart restaurants, planning glamorous get-aways and you're even thinking about couples shopping trips to Heals for fabulous new furniture.
Now, I love a touch of luxury as much as the next girl, but here's a word of caution about the gloss which might be covering some tell-tale signs that you're deluding yourself about this relationship and things need tweaking:
1. You don't feel quite confident being yourself.
This is a sure sign that you're deluding yourself about this relationship. If you have to look different, dress different and be different it's a red flag that this relationship is headed for trouble.
Relationships need to be based on trust, honesty and authenticity. And you deserve to be loved quirks and all.
2. You two don't have a shared vision of the future.
You're deluding yourself if you and your partner never, or rarely discuss the future. It's also a red flag if your partner refuses to discuss it or changes the subject when you bring it up.
Coupled-up couples have a rounded out view of the future and the role their partner plays in it.
3. Communication between you is less than stellar.
Sure, all couples argue but if you two consistently "talk past" each other, never seem able to resolve conflict or rarely talk at all...you're deluding yourself about the health of your relationship.
Time to learn some better communication skills! Head to the good old self-help section or book in some time with a therapist or a relationship coach to help you with this.
4. Basic care and respect for each other is missing.
Not checking in with each other before making big ticket purchases or agreeing to go to things without asking the other person all count here. So do forgetting birthdays, anniversaries.
Quite simply, you two are taking each other for granted when behaviour like this starts to show up. It's time to start setting limits and obeying the relationship golden rule: ask for nothing more than you giving and accept nothing less.
No relationship perfect and every single one will have it's ups and downs but putting your head in the sand in ignoring these red flags is not the way to handle it.
If any of the items here have resonated with you, take action now so that you can course-correct your relationship before it's too late.
Related articles from our experts
- The darker side of online dating...
Angela Holt (Mindwell Therapy) PGDip, MBACP20th February, 2017
- Communication in relationships isn’t just about talking to each other
Priscilla Short. BSc, MA, MBACP, MBPsS19th February, 2017
- Do you keep picking the wrong partner?
Paul Lipman - MBACP. - Depression, Anxiety, Relationships, Family ....18th February, 2017
Counselling Directory is not responsible for the articles published by members. The views expressed are those of the member who wrote the article.