Couple’s counselling: could it help you?
Written by listed counsellor/psychotherapist: Stuart Watson Personal,Couples,ASD Counselling MBACP G.DipCouns.Cert.CBT
22nd December, 20130 Comments
Let's face it; the modern world is a tough and stressful place, and at times we can take out that stress on our loved ones. Even a good relationship is not immune to the stresses of work, family life and financial worries; these pressures can lead to couples stopping communicating, looking for affection elsewhere and eventually drifting apart.
Sometimes even the things which people believe “should” bring them closer together, such as having a child, often have quite the opposite effect. If the relationship was struggling and you thought having a child would bring you closer together, you may have found that it actually pushed you even further apart. Lack of sleep for both new parents takes its toll, and often the man, who previously didn’t have any rival for his partner's attention, now has an undeniably cute and needy little person to compete with. This same little person has also had 9 months in the womb to connect with mum while dad’s busy playing catch–up. Mum can’t understand why dad needs attention because he’s a fully grown man and can look after himself. Her little baby can’t, and therefore deservedly gets most of her attention and affection. But, as dad feels pushed out, the relationship then suffers. Of course, this is not always the case and some fathers don’t struggle with any of these issues - but these are not unusual problems. If this is how things have played out in your own relationship, couples counselling can often bring you both “back on track” and help you to learn to understand and accept the many changes, losses and joys that children bring.
Whether you have drifted apart, argue like cat and dog, have problems with infidelity or struggled with similar issues to those described above, couples counselling can help. By providing you with a safe place to explore what’s going on in your relationship, your counsellor should help both partners see the relationship in a more objective and understanding manner. Your counsellor shouldn’t judge or criticise your relationship or label either of you as a good or bad guy. Instead he/she should explore objectively how you interact, what works and what doesn't, and what you both feel needs to change. With help and time couples can then learn to stop playing the "blame game", stop shouting, start listening and learn to love each other again.
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