Written by listed counsellor/psychotherapist: Gill Sanders: Psychotherapist and Couples Counsellor, COSRT: BACP: UKCP:
18th March, 20130 Comments
Perhaps your relationship is not working out the way in which you want or had expected. How can couple counselling help?
Some couples come into couple counselling because they feel that they cannot communicate effectively; they feel unheard and are stuck in patterns of misunderstanding. Sometimes couples come because they are fixed in circular arguments which, from time to time, may lead to violence or unexpressed anger. Silent aggression and withdrawal from communication can be equally threatening.
Other couples may go because of major changes and differences in their lives which they are finding difficult to manage together. Inevitably the birth of children creates new roles for each of the parents which may not be entirely welcome. There may also be conflict about parenting and the added stress of financial worries when one parent stops work.
Some people come to counselling when there is an ‘other’ in their live. This could be an affair, drugs, internet porn, alcohol or other compulsive behaviour which creates a third person or party in the relationship. Any of these could be a trigger to come into counselling and might be a surprise for one partner but for the other it has been a longstanding activity.
Any of the above issues can lead to a poor sexual couple relationship and often this is a fundamental issue for coming into couple counselling.
You can attend counselling either on your own or as a couple; many counsellors will offer both options to suit you. There is no right and no wrong way to begin the counselling sessions; depending on the approach that you counsellor recommends, you may be able to have one session or work over a longer period of time. Short term intensive sessions may also be offered, which may produce dramatic results.
The process will help with:
* more effective communication
*increased ability to address conflict
*improved negotiation skills
*raised awareness of the needs of your partner.
This in turn can lead to increased self esteem and greater confidence in your relationship.
Let’s face it; whatever you are doing now may just not be working. It is a steep step to take to seek professional help, but feeling isolated and alone with your difficulties is not the answer. Lets not make assumptions that it is all over and it is all the fault of the other person; by undertaking therapy with a qualified professional you may be able to uncover underlying issues that will help to resolve this turmoil.
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