Are your basic human needs being met in your relationships?
Written by listed counsellor/psychotherapist: Heather Shipley, CBT and Emotional Therapeutic Counsellor DipFETC MFETC MNCS
11th June, 20170 Comments
As humans, we all need water, food, shelter, identity, self-actualisation, self-esteem and love. These items may seen pretty basic to existing as a human being, but without them, everyday life can be very difficult.
These elements help us to manage our everyday relationships: partners, children, family members, friends, work colleagues, etc. The relationships with our partners need to be able to fulfill all our basic human needs so that we are able to live the life we choose. We should feel secure in our relationships, that your partner is 'on the same wavelength as you' and you are looking for the same things in life.
Partnerships need to be full of compromise - not always easy to achieve! With everyone having busy lives, full-time jobs, children, elderly relatives and financial pressures, the compromise sometimes gets lost when more important things become priority. We need to be able to grow together and feel that we connect in many ways.
Ask yourself the following questions:
- What do I want from this relationship?
- What can I offer this relationship?
- Can I give what I want to this relationship or are other feelings getting in the way?
- Is my partner right for me?
- Is he/she meeting my needs?
- What areas need improvement?
Do you understand each other emotionally? Is one partner very emotional and open to their inner feelings and the other partner not? Are you able to comprise for each other?
Do you give each other space to enjoy your own hobbies and interests? Do you have the same expectations?
This relates to the compatibility of needs and wants. This area can bring up some very strong emotions. Discussing your own (and each other’s) sexual needs can be extremely liberating and improve your relationship.
This includes mutual understanding and being able to support your partner in their endeavours.
Discussing and reviewing these areas will ensure successful relationships. Relationships need commitment and hard work. You both deserve to have the relationship you need and desire.
About the author
Heather Shipley is a CBT and Emotional Therapeutic Counsellor (DipFETC MNCS MFETC). Her style of counselling is person-centred and includes talking and creative therapies for children, adolescents and adults. For further details: www.hshipleytherapy.co.uk.
Related articles from our experts
- Relationship addiction and narcissism: Are you trapped in the cycle of co-dependency?
Amanda Perl MSc Psychotherapist Counsellor MBPsS BACP (Accred) CBT Practitioner19th October, 2017
- How to listen better in your relationships
Dr Alexander Fox (MBACP, PgDip Counselling, Masters in Counselling, PhD)19th October, 2017
- Young people and unhealthy relationships
Balwinder Hunjan BSc (Hon) Dip Counselling Psychology Registered MBACP17th October, 2017
- What is ‘kink aware’?
Linda Harris MSc.Couns., Registered MBACP, Counsellor & Psychotherapist6th October, 2017
- So when and where do we learn to have good sex?
Edmond Oreilly MA MSc BACP Senior Accred.7th November, 2016
Counselling Directory is not responsible for the articles published by members. The views expressed are those of the member who wrote the article.