Anger Management: man's reaction to stress
Written by listed counsellor/psychotherapist: Sam (Sandra) Dring MBACP
9th November, 2010
Anger, man's natural and healthy reaction to stress, is increasingly being acted on with physical violence, even though we are wealthier, take more holidays and generally lead more comfortable lives.
Many theorists put this down to the fast pace of life.
If anger isn't managed successfully it can have a detrimental effect on our personal relationships, our self esteem and our opportunities in life.
Tips to help control anger
1. Take time out
Don't react immediately to a situation, count to 10 or step away from the situation or individual that is upsetting you, this helps to dilute the anger.
time out could mean taking a brisk walk or simply leaving the room.
2. Role reversal
This simply means you put yourself in the other persons place. Think about what you would do and how you would feel in their situation.
This strategy helps you gain a different perspective other than your own in this situation that has caused you feelings of anger or frustration.
3. The 3 step way of dealing with a situation.
A way of dealing with an individual who has made you angry or upset is a 3 step approach.
When you have calmed down, sufficiently, briefly convey to the individual the incident that is causing the problem, you may need to write this down.
Tell the individual how you feel about the situation using 'I' messages, you need to use 'I' messages to show that you take responsibility for your feelings, they belong to you. If you use 'You' messages it will appear that you are blaming them and the individual may become angry.
Explain what you need from them in order to help you both resolve the situation. This opens it up for discussion and hopefully resolution, all done in a calm way, if possible.
4. A usefully management skill is changing the conversation in your head.
Your inner conversation, if negative and aggressive has a major impact on your anger.
If you learn to control and change the thoughts that pop in you head it will have a major impact on how you deal with the situation. CBT ( Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) and Hypnosis can help change your inner conversation.
When you recognise that you may be reacting to a situation with anger because you are stressed, finding ways to reduce stress before it turns into anger is very effective. Ways of reducing stress could be meditation, exercising or listening to music.
Related articles from our experts
- The 'gem' of a gift in accepting your own anger
Paul Roberts Embodied Psychotherapeutic Counselling RMBACP12th October, 2017
- Anger and our behaviour
Heather Shipley, CBT & Emotional Therapeutic Counsellor Dip FETC MFETC MNCS3rd September, 2017
- Anger: It's better out, than in!
Lucas Teague PGDip; MBACP (Reg) UKCP registered Psychotherapist12th August, 2017
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