We all know a couple that stare longingly into each other’s eyes and declare, “we never fight”, making us feel bad for the heated debates in our own household. But is arguing really such a bad thing?
Yes, arguments generally revolve around sensitive subjects, causing stress and upset – but ultimately addressing your issues and communicating will strengthen your relationship.
For starters, it relieves pent up stress and anxiety. When conflict arises it can be all too easy to bury our heads in the sand to avoid confrontation. And while this may help you avoid stress in the short term, it will build up and cause bigger problems down the road.
Arguing also shows that you still care. The simple fact that you’re taking the time to address and discuss issues shows that you both care enough to work together to resolve them.
So how can you make the most of your arguments?
- Consider your timing – Sometimes it’s better to take a little time to cool off after the initial conflict, get your head together and discuss it later on in a calm manner.
- Be open minded – The hardest part of any argument is the bit where we have to listen to our partner’s point of view, but it is often the most important element. By acknowledging each other’s feelings, you’ll find it easier to reach a conclusion.
- Agree to disagree – As much as we wish there was a right and wrong solution to every problem, it simply isn’t going to happen. Some issues cannot be solved, but by acknowledging each other’s opinions and discussing them, you will be more able to move on.
- Come together and compromise – Try not to focus on who ‘wins’ the argument, your goal should be relationship focused. By concentrating on the partnership you will both be better able to work towards a solution.
Whether you feel you are fighting too much or not enough, speaking to an objective professional can often shed light on the situation and help you to work through your problems together. For more information, please see our page on Couples Counselling.
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